"Akesh, can you just pretend you don't know? So that we can be rich as usual."

"I can't. I felt uncomfortable. Please stay away from me, Nala."

I was pushed until I fell to the ground.

My world, Nalaya, seems to be collapsing. The person I love so much, who has been a place of 'melonging' from the cruelty of the world, is now moving away. Maybe disappear.

Akesh Pranadipa, why does it hurt to love you? But I couldn't stay away. How can there be a wound that makes you sick, actually makes you drunk?

Akesh, from now on I will inflict wounds with other wounds. I also want to know where my limit is. Who knows in the process of this journey, your heart will waver. Yes, who knows.

***

People call me Nalaya. I am currently in the third semester majoring in Indonesia Literature at one of the well-known state campuses. Even though I wasn't smart, with hard work I finally managed to enter a campus that was in the top three best in the country.

I don't like to write. The reason I chose this major is... Maybe you know. I want to be in the same faculty with Akesh. My sister. My neighbor. My first love.

I can't describe more, but Kak Akesh is the definition of a macho guy. The skin is tanned, but sweet. It is 182 centimeters tall. His body was formed because he was diligent in going to the gym. Seeing it made me feel that God was unfair. How could a person like him also have a diluted brain?

Our relationship was initially very good. As always, I always followed him. Until all his friends knew me as his "little brother".

We are neighbors, living next door. I always asked my mother to go to the same school with her. At school, I hung out with my friends more often than my classmates. Sad, right?

I spent most of my time with him. Starting from leaving to school, playing in his room, and going out to play with his friends. Everything went smoothly, especially since we were only one year apart.

My love for her grew day by day, but there were no significant obstacles. Especially until high school he never dated once. The reason is not because no one likes it. Rather, there was something interesting to him. This also makes me even more hopeful. Is there still a chance for me?

For me, it is the color that fills my life. Sometimes it turns pink when it makes me fall in love. The next day he turned white when he comforted and healed me. But then it turned black which brought a storm in my dreams. The storm came when he was starting college.

I saw him posting photos of women on his social media accounts. Rachel, the woman who finally managed to make the Bad Boy Akesh fall in love. But what is the problem? There are many people who take care of other people's soul mates. I mean, it's okay to leave Sister Akesh to Rachel for a while, right? Oh, I guess I'm starting to go crazy.

After that, I was determined to study harder so that I could be in the same faculty as him. In order to be able to grab Kak Akesh's hand again. Fuck whether it's love or just an obsession. But the man who had one younger sister was the only thing that made me dare to fight anything.

Until finally after successfully entering this campus and studying for more than a year, for the first time I felt that our world was destroyed. Precisely last night, I saw Kak Akesh who was drunk returning to the student dormitory.

Arriving at the room, after struggling to carry him to the second floor, up the stairs, I laid him on the mattress. I took off his sweaty T-shirt so that he could sleep comfortably. But as the white cloth came off his body, I smelled a scent that paralyzed my mind.

Oh look at this big baby lying helpless. His stern face was very funny when he slept, in contrast to when he was conscious. I approached the recess of her neck, inhaling the scent of Kak Akesh's sweat mixed with the smell of perfume. Very manly and intoxicating. I can no longer resist this sweet temptation.

Suddenly, the fingers of my left hand went to his six pack abdomen. Something in front of me was like a thin glass that would break if my finger touched it weakly. My fingers just moved around without touching it. How does it feel to touch his chest that field?

Similar questions kept whispering in my ears, they kept tempting me with the most sensual voices for me to sin. In fact, the aroma has now turned very sweet.

After wrestling with my own mind for a long time, in fact my fingers succumbed to a desire called lust. I surrendered, servicing him. I slowly touched the plaid lump on his stomach. Then it points upwards: chest.

Her blackish-brown nipples made my heart beat faster. I pinched it enthusiastically.

"Ahhh..." He sighed. His eyes were still closed. I hadn't turned on the light yet the light of the full moon gallantly entered the cracks of the room window. Maybe I was drunk too, but I was aware of what I was doing. It's just that the desire is so strong. It made me unable to think clearly anymore. I climbed on top of his body, didn't even overlap, and then bit into the choco chips-like object.

"Ahhh... Honey, continue...." He called me darling? Ah, it feels like there's a fog enveloping me. My sanity was getting thinner.

"Yes, Rachel, really smart, really my girlfriend."

Deg... So he thinks I'm his girlfriend? Damn, my chest feels like I've been shot many times. I got out of bed and turned on the light. If I don't take this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, I'll regret it forever!

I was like a wolf that would prey on sheep. Or even sheep that surrender themselves to wolves (?).

"Sis, just tonight, make me your own completely. I have a Brother!" I whispered in his ear.

After that, I licked his lips. Her soft lips have an alcoholic flavor. The man below me also welcomed. After seven years of harboring the taste and guessing what this chewy thing looks like, we finally came together tonight.

I didn't care even though Akesh didn't know it that night. That night we were like a couple of lovers who fulfilled each other's desires. At least I love him. Even if it's just one-sided love.

That night I became a despicable girl who gave up my body to be enjoyed. For the first time, I handed over my most precious possession.

"Ahhh... I'm sick... Ahhh..."

Damn, it feels so torturous. Mine was torn and bleeding until I cried. While the person above me didn't give me a pause at all. It's really evil.

"Who asked for it? Responsibility, honey."

"Yes, but take a break first?" I wiped my tears with the back of my hand. For the first time I felt the tenderness and affection of Sister Akesh in a different way, not the affection between brother and sister anymore, but at the same time I also felt this person's cruelty.

"I don't want to baby, you can't go anywhere tonight. Ahhh... Rachel, baby."