After being abandoned by a special guest I had never experienced before, I was pensive alone in the hotel room, finishing off the rest of the wine left by the owner. Early in the morning, I called one of the guards at Wonderland, asking him to drive my car. I decided to go back to the apartment with an uncertain feeling. I even reluctantly answered calls and replied to messages from Sarah.

My eyeballs glanced quickly at the watch on the wrist. This is the first time I arrived at the apartment at half past two in the morning in this state, when I did absolutely nothing. Arriving at the apartment, I hardly closed my eyes. Mr. B's face and body scent kept coming to my mind. A handsome young man whose age doesn't seem to be much different from me. It was the first time I had ever seen the face of someone whose real name I didn't even know.

I finally fell asleep after almost two hours of my mind drifting erratically. I woke up with feelings that are hard to describe. Almost all day I just laze in the apartment, pacing between the sofa and the mattress.

The morning changed quickly and the evening came with a beautiful twilight color in a cloudless sky. All day long I felt uneasy and my body felt very lazy to be invited to move. In fact, I haven't even checked my phone.

Finally, half-reluctantly, I grabbed the cell phone that was still on the table next to the bed. My eyes immediately rounded after seeing the sign of 99+ incoming messages and fifteen missed calls from Sarah. I opened the unread messages, mostly from Sarah's. Almost all of the messages contained curiosity and annoyance because I did not respond. After replying to her messages with the excuse that I wasn't feeling well, I started thinking about meeting Mr. B the night before.

Meeting Mr. B made me think that he might have a similar life story to me, having no one to lean on and complain to. From his brief outpouring of heart, I can conclude that his father was not a good father figure.

I'm not sure where to start. Everything is so complicated. The fear that lodged in my mind all this time did not want to leave just like that. I feel like I'm keeping her happy, but I'm not. I don't want to live like this all the time either. I want to feel calm in life.

By the age of 23, I felt no more wise and mature. Other people may disagree with me, they always say I am someone who is wise and can handle all problems well. For real? Big zero. I'm not a problem solver, I'm just good at acting and acting like everything's okay.

Deep down, I was confused. Too many fears and traumas that I nurtured, made me not dare to open my heart. I feel unworthy of being loved and loved. I feel like I want to quit, but I can't. I felt I had no good reason to repent. To me, it all seemed too late.

A message notification appeared on the cell phone screen, dispelling my daydreams. At first glance I read the opening message, "new admissions committee". Instantly my eyes rounded reading the continuation of the message. In the morning, there will be an early introduction for prospective new students on campus. All of a sudden, I forget the excitement that has kept me going all day.

Immediately I read complete all the commands indicated in the message. I can't wait to start a new life as a student.

The cold air of the morning greeted my body gently. I curled up lazily under the warm blanket, feeling reluctant to leave the bed. However, when my brain recalled the row of messages I read Yesterday, I immediately got up. This morning I have to attend an event on campus that will be my place to explore science for the next four years.

I imagine what the show was like. There will be many new faces to meet. I was pounding at the thought that this was an opportunity for me to start a new experience.

Excitedly, I kicked the blanket and got out of bed. Immediately I take a shower and prepare myself. It takes an hour to prepare everything. I learned a simple makeup tutorial to wear to college, but still a bit slow in applying it. After the makeup business was finished, I wore clothes that I deliberately bought specifically to wear when I went to college. This dress is very different from what I usually wear.

In order not to attract attention, I ordered a taxi online. The roads were not too congested, or maybe the online taxi driver I was riding with was quite agile, so I arrived at the campus faster than I thought.

At eight o'clock past five minutes, new faces gathered in one room. I felt alienated by the cacophony of young people filled with joyful faces. I tried to shake off the shame and awkwardness I had for a moment. Don't make me feel uncomfortable on the first day.

After the speech and suave events from the campus, the seniors took over the event to make the atmosphere of introducing new students more lively. One of the seniors was asked to give his speech. At first, I didn't really care about his speech. However, as he began to speak, I felt familiar with his voice and manner of speaking.

A handsome young man with a mouth-watering neck and body scent, Mr. B! I'm sure it was his voice. For a moment I was stunned. Is this what you call destiny? Ah, no way! Since when has Fate been kind to me. Don't get your hopes up, Raveline! My common sense advises. However, since that night's meeting, time passed like embroidering longing, carrying me in the cradle of dreams about him.

I got up from my sitting position in the back row, trying to find the direction of the sound. Too late, his figure had finished giving a speech and stepped off the podium. Where Are you, Mr. B? I squeezed my fingers with mixed feelings.

***