"Yes, I understand that. You always put the happiness and pleasure of others before your own happiness," I said, looking at Sarah. "However, after you stopped and closed Wonderland, what did you actually think and plan for the future?"

"Me?"Sarah looked at me. "I want to... Sarah paused for a moment, taking a deep breath before continuing, "after Wonderland closes completely, maybe I'll start a more normal business, El."Sarah laughed bitterly.

"What do you mean by normal business?"I asked with a small laugh.

"Like I said... How about we open a restaurant, cafe or culinary venture together? With your cooking talent, I'm sure we can create a more relaxing business," ujar Sarah.

I spread the loose hair on the side of my cheek, "so, all this time, you didn't feel calm?"

"Honestly,it is. Although the turnover of money in Wonderland is much larger compared to the my beauty salon business I have," Sarah sighed again, "but all those huge incomes are also accompanied by various kinds of expenses. There are security fees, fees to bribe a number of parties... you yourself know how it must be done so that the Wonderland business can run well."Sarah smiled bitterly. "The huge revenue is worth the huge cost as well."

I could feel Sarah's tone of voice implying fatigue and slight frustration.

"Do you already have plans for the colleagues who work in Wonderland? They will definitely not take this decision for granted, especially for those who still have a fairly long contract."

"I don't know, El. That's what makes me so dizzy! Plus the Sylvia case is still not in order!"

"I always support whatever you think is good, and I promise to help as much as I can. For now, think about everything carefully, you have to really consider everything."I got up from my seat and approached Sarah, gently stroking her back. "Now, focus so that your health condition does not get worse. You don't want to be hospitalized, do you?"

"Hmm, God forbid! Of course not, El."

"So, eat and get enough rest! Do not torture yourself! It will only harm your body. If this disease gets worse, I can't help but have to take you to the hospital right away!"I was bluffing a little so that Sarah would listen to my advice.

"All Right, Raveline. I'll really eat and rest enough now."

"Hahaha! Yesterday when you was sick, you promised that too. But if I ever again find you in the condition you were in, without any hesitate, I will immediately take you to the hospital!"

Sarah laughed, "Oh my God, you're like a mother scolding her child!"

"So as not to be an ignorant child, listen to your Mom, kiddo," I replied, imitating the style of a mother's speech.

**

That night, after coming home from Sarah's apartment, I suddenly lost the will to do anything. The conversation with Sarah this afternoon shook my heart a little. Not only shaken, but shook my soul that had been plagued by confusion.

The nightlife that has always been my main activity and the fact that I am currently pretending to be an innocent freshman, made me think a lot. Moreover, the subtle rejection made by Sebastian towards my true self, no longer just hurt my heart, but had torn and destroyed my hopes.

I thought about how much precious time I had wasted in my life as a woman of the night. All this time, I only knew how to fill the emptiness of the heart with carnal and material pleasures. As if all the pride and material that should be the end result of hard work so far, ironically leaving only a heart-breaking sense of disappointment.

Sweet memories of the times when I was an innocent Raveline Black, who only knew about school and home life, filled my mind.

I suddenly remembered the night during the introduction of new students, remembering a photo and video that was accidentally made by me, Amelie, and some friends of one major when we were practicing preparing for the closing night of student familiarity.

When I look back on my time with them, I feel like I've been given a chance to experience life again as a new Raveline. I feel as if something completes my life, completes my soul.

I was like being born again into a new person, without anyone recognizing my sinful self. There is something that cannot be expressed in words when I see myself enjoying being in the midst of my new friends.

Especially when I met Amelie and became her best friend. I feel the warmth and openness in each of us. A burning passion as I prepared to leave for college. Coming home at night from a lot of chores, at the same time, I was usually enjoying a cup of warm latte while smoking my beloved vape. Cloudy, drizzling, muddy, rainy, even Stormy, everything seemed to disappear when I was able to arrive on time at the lecture.

Perhaps this is what made Sarah choose to close Wonderland completely, feeling guilty about herself.

I sighed slowly and began to close my eyes for a moment, preparing to accept the reality at hand. That in reality, it would be hard to live life as a new Raveline, a Raveline that was really just an innocent freshman.

Sometimes I wish all the bad things that happened in the past years were just nightmares. I always wanted to flap my wings to fly freely towards a new hope.

Everything that happened in my life did make me hurt, sad, and feel useless, but I always tried to believe that behind all the bad fate I had, nothing was in vain.

I'm still waiting for the good things God has in store for me. I hope sinners like me still have a chance to be happy.

At least I hope I can still be given the chance to be a normal person. I just want to be the New Raveline, without having to deal with my past as a slut.

***