A man sat on a worn-out chair. His feet tapped the floor lazily while his gaze was blank. He repeatedly looked at his watch. 13.25. Five minutes to go. Shit! The rumbling in his chest was getting worse. He couldn't calm down at all. That man had been waiting since one o'clock and every minute he passed was killing him.

"Shit!" The man said.

There was no sound. He sighed and checked his smartphone. He looked at a picture of him with a woman. She was his girlfriend. His world for the past few years. However, his world turned upside down in the past half year. His world had changed.

The man smiled bitterly. He seemed to know the answer to his question all along. It was annoying but his coming today was just to dig his own grave. His arrival was only to prove his stupidity.  Again, he glanced at the clock. The time was approaching and the man knew that he was about to get a surprise he didn't like. Oh my God!

He was alone here. In an empty room on the fourth floor of a rarely used building on his campus. It used to be his secret place with his girlfriend, Avril. When they wanted to get away from the world, they would go here and spend time together. Then, that claustrophobic feeling came back. The man closed his eyes and his mind was busy again.
His mind was filled with worst-case scenarios.  He closed his eyes tightly hoping that whatever he was thinking about would not happen.

Trying to distract himself, the man looked around the room. The silence made him feel cold. The man knew he wasn't okay. For God's sake!

Trying to calm me down, he tried to build up strength within himself. The man was trying to harden my heart. No, Matt! You're strong! You've been through bad times alone before. So, why are you scared?

Matt played Jojo's song - FAB. Matt was trying to be that hard-hearted person who threw all the bad things at other people. Trying to be the person who sees the bad in others. Unfortunately, the rumbling was still there. His affection for Avril was still struggling.

Again. I looked at the message she sent me. A long message telling me that our relationship was over. Exactly! Matt is a man with a broken heart.

He sent me a message after disappearing for a few months. Without words and without even a reason that Matt didn't understand. JoJo was still singing and damn it he failed to build that power. No! I'm not ready! Frustrated, Matt stood up and ruffled his hair then kicked the table in annoyance. Then Matt sat on his haunches staring at the wall.

"Shit!"

That's when she came. Matt heard footsteps approaching and turned his head. Their gazes met and the happy feeling Matt felt every time he saw her eyes disappeared. The rumbling grew stronger. Fear seemed to take over him but Matt remained silent. He couldn't say anything and tried to calm his heart.

"Let's sit down" she invited.

Matt probably looked ridiculous as he was sitting crouched at the back of the room. But, he complied. No! The strength he had built up was all gone. Damn it! Matt still wanted to maintain his relationship with Avril. Matt sat on one of the chairs while Avril sat opposite him.

Avril was still as beautiful as ever. Her honey-brown hair was flowing sweetly while she was wearing a summer dress with a sunflower print. So Avril! Matt laughed at himself. Does he still admire Avril after what she did? Avril didn't speak right away. She sat down and tried to straighten her clothes.

Damn! Why did Matt miss her? Yes, Matt had been trying to get her attention again these past few months. In fact, his efforts were in vain and she responded coldly. Cold sweat began to run down Matt's body and he began to tremble. Oh, my goodness! It turned out that Matt was indeed that weak. However, Matt looked straight at him. He had to know the truth. Matt was indeed a weak loser but he had to know the truth.

"I can't continue," Avril said softly. Her voice sounded heavy and tired.

Matt remained silent. "These past few months, I've been avoiding you. I wanted to change. In the past few months, I've been close to other people."

Deg! Somebody help Matt! Those few words succeeded in making him feel a lot of pain. Was this the meaning of his long wait and patience? However, no matter how much pain Matt feels right now, he doesn't waver at all. The pain and truth that Avril revealed managed to make Matt want to hurt even more. Why doesn't Matt just destroy himself? After all, Matt didn't think he had any part of himself to destroy anymore. Matt looked at her still wanting the truth.

"You're really bad, A!" Matt whispered.

Avril chose to avoid Matt's piercing gaze. "I've asked everyone and they told me to choose you. But, I don't think I can. Let's just be friends. I hope you'll accept being one. Whatever if you think I'm evil!"
Matt tried to find an opening. But there was no opening. Avril was in her defense mode and Matt didn't have the energy to break it. Of course! Matt had always obeyed Avril! Matt smiled sarcastically.

"It's always like this. You always get what you want and I always give in," Matt said in a trembling voice.

Matt wasn't even sure what I was feeling right now. His selfishness shines through yet Matt seems to allow himself to wallow in this pain.

"I was afraid to tell you. I'm afraid of you leaving. I, don't want you to leave" Avril said again. "That's why I disappeared for a few months."

"You're scared? Don't joke, A!" Matt whispered.

But, Matt was still listening. Part of him was a complete idiot. She was afraid of losing Matt? Doesn't that mean Avril still loves me? But, that sick feeling was still lodged in his chest. So, did she just ask me to accept someone else's existence? Why did she ask me to be her friend when there were once so many feelings between us?

"I feel guilty. Every time I look at you, I feel pain. I can't hold on anymore. I knew I had to tell you," Avril explained again.

"Since when?" I asked. My voice was shaking and I was feeling miserable at the moment.

"Six months ago," she said. I could see the guilt on her face. "Since we moved away."

Matt was silent. Damn! The negative feelings he was feeling earlier were getting worse. Matt didn't know if he could survive or not. Matt was still breathing and that made me feel even worse.

"I told you about it. At least, I feel like I've taken a weight off my shoulders" she said again.

Her words rang in Matt's head. Pain! She felt pain when she saw Matt. Matt let out a long breath. Matt didn't know what else he felt. His energy seemed to be drained. But, the rumbling he felt earlier was getting bigger.

"You can get mad at me or hit me," Avril said.

How could Matt be angry? How could Matt hit her? He loved her with all his heart. Those feelings of love and longing were still there amidst the other feelings that were destroying Matt from within.

"Come closer," Matt said. His voice sounded small. Matt hoped this was just a dream.

As soon as Avril came closer, Matt hugged her. Matt hugged her very tightly. For the first time, Matt hugged Avril with broken feelings. Avril's hug had always been a home for him. Soothing and blissful at the same time. And now, Matt felt my torn feelings.

"I don't deserve it," Avril said as Matt hugged her.

Matt tightened his embrace. Matt didn't know what to say. Matt knew it was stupid to hug her. But, he still loved her. Matt was devastated today. Matt hates December!

After that Matt let go of Avril. He didn't even want to look at her anymore. "Go away! Don't let me see you again! I hate you!"

Matt lied. But, Avril didn't think much of it. She walked away leaving Matt alone. She's really cruel! After Avril's departure, Matt slammed things in annoyance. The sound of the items echoed in the empty room. But, Matt didn't care anymore even if he made a scene. What else was he afraid of? Matt was already ruined today!