I could only let out a long sigh as I realized my current condition. The face that was previously smooth now looks shabby. My body is also thin and dry without nutrition, especially far from the touch of a salon.

The Renata of today is very different from the Renata of old. Renata who was a car salesperson with a top ten national sales ranking. Who was able to make everyone look amazed at my achievements and beauty.

I was quite confident indeed. Tall body, clear white skin and also smooth. My long black hair was shiny and thick. People always thought that I was the brand ambassador of a famous shampoo company.

Now, I feel that the wheel of life is taking me to the deepest trough. I don't know if I can go through it or not.
Since becoming the wife of the son of a village head in my hometown. My world has changed completely. I only became a wife and also a mother for my only son. I no longer had the chance to feel happy.

Andre, my husband, has always been spoiled by his extended family since childhood. Until he had his own family, he didn't understand the meaning of responsibility. All the finances, I managed. And to make matters worse, I was forced to stop working because of the spots I had when I was pregnant with my only son, Azzam.

My life was getting messy.
I had to work all kinds of jobs to provide for my family. And of course, I kept it all from my extended family and Andre's extended family. I wasn't willing to let the disgrace in my household be smelled even by my own parents.

Until the peak, when I had run out of everything. My savings were gone, while the burden of life did not decrease at all.

"Dre, can you help pay the electricity and water bills this month?" I asked bravely.

"Why are you asking me again? Didn't I give you the monthly money at the beginning of the month?"

Andre was visibly upset when I asked him for the money back. His eyes were wide. I tried to hold back my own emotions.

"Andre, you give me five hundred thousand every month. It's not enough to cover all our expenses per month...."
Andre didn't accept my words. He threw the coffee cup he was holding, shattering it.

"So, are you saying I'm ignorant? I don't give you that much money every month, huh? I already invested in you to open a shop. Where are the results of your efforts?" he snapped.

"Oh my God, Dre, I just asked you for a favor this time. But are you this angry with me?"

I could no longer hold back the tears in my eyelids. This is what the real behavior of a man with the status of 'husband' looks like. Thinking that everything I have is his too. But doesn't want to know what I face every time.

"You think, Ren! You think I'm not tired of working every day, what? You ask for money like that. Do you think I'm a walking ATM?"

Andre tapped his index finger on his own temple. Expecting me to use my own wits. His eyes were glaring at me.

I heard Azzam crying in his room. I ignored Andre who was in a rage. Apparently Azzam was shocked to hear his father yell. I rushed to get Azzam and immediately calmed him down.

I don't know where Andre went. One thing is for sure, he left his house this afternoon. I never thought that the quarrel that afternoon would become a catastrophe in my household.

***

In the evening, I was putting my son to bed in his room. Even though I was small, I already had my own house before I married Andre.

However, Mom never wanted to live in my house. Especially after I got married, she would only come once in a while to see her grandson, Azzam. The plump baby was always a magnet for parents to come to this house.

Mom continued to live in the house of Asnawi's extended family, my grandfather who had passed away long ago.

"Assalamu'alaikum," said someone who came to visit at this time of night.

"Waalaikumsalam."

I rushed to open the door because I knew who the person was who came at this time of night.

"Who did you come with at this time of night?" I asked in surprise.

Mom didn't usually come to visit, especially at this time of night.
I could see that Mom's face was not very friendly. She entered without permission, but she wasn't alone. My uncle and aunt also came with her.

"Uncle, Aunty, come on in!" I invited, trying to remain as friendly as ever, although I could see that their faces were sour.

"What have you done, Renata?" Mom asked without her usual gentle tone.

"Mom, why, did Rena do something wrong to you?" I asked stammeringly.

"You think to yourself? Is it appropriate for a wife to ask too much of her husband? Did Mom ever teach you that?" she scolded.

I didn't understand the flow of this conversation. For that reason, I remained silent. Paying attention to what they would discuss next.

"Ren, you once made us proud. But this time, we are really ashamed of Mr. Kades' family. Your husband is the son of an honorable man, Ren. You are so brave to treat Andre, Ren. How much does Andre have to give you every month?" Aunt Lina seemed to rebuke me harshly.

Right now it crossed my mind that Andre had ratted me out to my own family. But what had he said to make these people look so angry at me?

I remained silent, until I heard greetings from outside the house.

"Assalamu'alaikum,"

"Wa alaikum salam."

My in-laws also came this evening. So did my husband, Andre. He walked with his head down, as if he was the victim here.