**(DONOVAN)**

The rain starts falling just minutes after we all leave the room. Lightning and thunder light up the sky, along with the heavy raindrops that fall on buildings, cars, unsuspecting people, and anything else in their path. Amanda is sitting on the couch, staring deeply into the void. Gavin and I are in the kitchen, preparing a quick snack. I should go home as soon as possible, but...

But how could I see something like that and just leave? The scars on Amanda’s back not only prove that she had a hellish past but that she was a victim of abuse. Was the same person responsible for those burns also the one who made that horizontal mark on her neck? And what about the history of abuse that, although she hasn’t mentioned, was clearly part of her past?

Many questions still need to be asked, many clarifications are yet to be made. But I can’t corner her and force her to tell us everything. In time, when she feels comfortable sharing such severe information, I want to be there to listen.

Gavin and I prepare hot chocolate and crepes. We then go to the kitchen table, setting everything up before calling Amanda. It’s strange to think that I’m here in relative peace with him, despite everything. Tonight, there is a ceasefire. For our sake and for the girl who means so much to us.

With slow, dragging steps, Amanda settles into one of the chairs. The smell of rain fills the air, along with the salty, soft dough we’re about to eat. Once settled, we look at each other. We know something needs to be said, but what? My thoughts are completely tangled, and all I can imagine is how deeply I would drive a steel bar into the throat of the bastard who did this to Amanda.

Gavin also looks completely uncomfortable and shows no signs of starting a conversation. His eyes are fixed on Amanda’s face, which in turn is looking anywhere but at us.

I need to do something, anything to find out what’s going on in her mind. So, after taking a sip of the hot chocolate, I call her softly so as not to startle her.

— Amanda.

Gavin looks at me, probably surprised and alarmed by my approach. Amanda takes a while to look at me. She seems extremely tired.

I take a deep breath. I need to contain all my hatred, all my anger so she won’t be afraid of me.

— Thank you for showing us this. We... — I glance at Gavin, seeing that he is once again looking down. — We’re very grateful that you trust us this way.

Amanda only nods and goes back to sipping from her steaming mug. I insist:

— I... I’d like to ask you a question. But if you don’t want to answer... I’ll understand perfectly.

— Donovan — my friend warns me, but I calm him with a hand gesture.

I notice when Amanda tilts her head slightly to the side, as if she’s genuinely curious about what I have to ask.

I take a breath twice before continuing:

— The person who did this to you... Is it the same one who did this? — I gesture with my chin indicating her neck.

Gavin looks at me, clearly irritated, and quickly says to Amanda:

— You don’t have to answer something like that, A-...

— No.

Silence. Her answer is firm, direct, and to the point. I see the sincerity in her eyes; it’s not someone trying to cut the subject and give any excuse, but the purest truth.

The connection we have now is indescribable. I can see in the rhythm of her blinks, the movement of her lips and neck, as well as her breathing, all the emotions taking over her heart at this exact moment. She’s embarrassed, feeling scrutinized, and even criticized.

— Little one.

She doesn’t say anything, just continues looking at me.

— You know we’re not going to leave you alone, right? Not in a million years.

Gavin says to her:

— Even if the world ends, Amanda. We’ll always be here.

I feel the full weight of Gavin’s feelings for Amanda, which leaves me reflective. I’ve known him for many years and I know he’s a great guy. Any woman lucky enough to have him by her side would be happy without reservation, because once Gavin decided to commit to someone, he wouldn’t let go for anything short of extremely serious situations. He was genuine, very emotional, and instinctive. He truly believed that the purest form of love is care and acceptance, and that’s what he offered to anyone he found worthy of receiving it.

In other words, the situation, which was already complicated, became much worse. As I always insisted on comparing, if Amanda were swayed by a stranger or even someone of dubious character, it wouldn’t be a fair competition. My victory in the end would be obvious, and I wouldn’t waste time reflecting too much on it. I would simply sit, perhaps enjoy a glass of wine, and wait with a smile on my lips for her to announce once and for all that her place was by my side.

With Gavin as my competitor, everything became much more difficult and uncertain. It wasn’t just any jerk, but my best friend and a man I knew was great. All I could do was hope that something about me was more outstanding, that there was some spark of advantage I could leverage. My chances of winning were as great as my chances of losing. It was a fiercely contested competition, and despite usually being excited by such contests, this time it was different.

My fear of losing Amanda was growing every day, and when I imagined her leaving my life to be with Gavin, my heart felt crushed. It’s important to note, however, that in the midst of the pain of defeat, I would be happy for her. I would know she was in good hands, and that I wouldn’t have to worry about her being the victim of another bastard.

That woman in front of me had gone through different hells in very close periods, which would surely break the mind of anyone in her place. And despite Amanda being quite debilitated and in need of almost complete care, she was still standing and resisting. Small things like eating, bathing, and taking care of her own health were big achievements, achievements we should celebrate with more vigor, especially now.

I can’t stop looking at her. And apparently, she can’t stop looking at me either.

I remember the conversation we had a month ago, the first time she came to my house: when I vented about my past in a hesitant and technical way, but said that I had been in a pit and that it was very hard to climb out. At the time, I had no way of knowing what Amanda showed us that night. It made my speech seem much more grand and meaningful.

The pit I was in was horrible, no doubt. But I truly think it doesn’t compare to hers.

**. . . . . . . . . . . .**

**(AMANDA)**

When Donovan announces he needs to leave, I feel a pang in my chest. I always hate this part: he usually gives me a sad smile, says he wishes he could stay longer, but he has to go to work the next day and blah blah blah.

Not that I didn’t believe him; obviously, he was telling the truth. He was indeed the vice president of Urus and had to keep a close eye on things, analyzing what was going right and wrong in the company. But it’s at least frustrating to know that our time, although a bit longer than before, is still small compared to what I have with Gavin.

When Donovan hugs me goodbye, I close my eyes and deeply inhale his scent. It’s amazing how with a simple gesture he conveys all the sense of security I need. I was utterly fascinated by this man.

The rain has eased, reducing to a light drizzle. My host is washing the modest dishes, and I head to my own room without saying a single word.

Lying in bed, I think about how awful it was to be exposed like that. It gave me a stomachache to think that what happened to me couldn’t just be erased. Unlike other things that, for them, simply didn’t exist if I didn’t say them out loud and clearly, those rough lines on my back wouldn’t disappear. Sooner or later, I would have to explain myself, and I postponed that moment as long as I could.

Hearing the two of them cry upon seeing my destroyed skin also hurt me. I didn’t want them to suffer because of me; after all, none of it was their fault. I know they wanted to care for me, but the past was completely immutable. All I could do was accept it and try to move on... Just as Donovan did.

I’m so lost in my thoughts that it takes me a while to realize that Gavin knocked on the bedroom door before entering. The blonde guy approaches me slowly. His gaze is cautious, as is each step toward my bed. Finally, he sits beside me and gently caresses my cheek. I close my eyes, letting the sensation of his fingers on my face be the only thing worth focusing on.

His voice resonates in the room:

— Do you want to sleep with me tonight?

Sleepy, I nod. He plants a warm, slow kiss on my forehead. Without warning, he then picks me up and carries me to the stairs.

When we finally reach the bedroom, he places me on his bed. After closing the door, Gavin sits at the edge of the mattress and takes one of my feet. Curious, I watch in silence as he places it on his knee and begins making circular and firm movements on my sole and heel.

— I don’t have words to describe the extent of your strength — his words are murmured, spoken so softly they seem more

like a confession than anything else. — Every day, with every time I see your progress and how you’re striving to stay alive and well... I just admire you more and more.

He remains focused on the massage, looking only at my foot while continuing to speak:

— I know there are still many things you haven’t told us. Things so horrible that they make you shudder just remembering them. But I can assure you, Amanda... If you don’t want to, you don’t have to talk about them. I don’t want you to feel obligated to anything when you’re with me. You never have to feel indebted to me.

Before I can protest, he continues:

— When Donovan asked you about the scar on your neck... I was really worried. It was already very difficult for you to show those... Those marks on your back... It doesn’t change anything knowing if the person who did this to you was the same one who...

I get up, touching his shoulder and trying to soothe his mind. Gavin is quite nervous, worried, and anxious, and it’s obvious. But he’s trying to be strong and provide the firmness needed to make me feel better. A true angel... Always putting my well-being first.

He gathers me in his arms and settles us in bed. I don’t feel the usual physical repulsion that often overcomes me, so he takes the opportunity to hold me close. Amid the silence, I feel his nose begin to slide along my neck.

— Amanda... — He murmurs.

His breathing is heavy and uneven. My heart races as his hands slide to my waist. Gavin seems to be in a trance, barely opening his eyes as he moves his fingers up and down, causing shivers across my skin. The sensation is intoxicating. It’s as if all problems, negative emotions, and complications simply disappear one by one.

Breathless, Gavin is now on top of me. I wait for the click, the shock of being with someone this way, but nothing happens. My body is reacting normally, without panic or any trace of fear. Slowly and contemplatively, Gavin presses against me, his chest pressed to mine. I feel a wet kiss on my neck as he leans in, along with his distinctive, sweet scent. Automatically, I place both my hands on his back. He groans.

The sound I hear ignites something within me; something I thought was long dead. I can barely connect one thought to another as Gavin rubs against me slightly. I feel his obvious excitement, but I do nothing. I let him make the decision.

Then his eyes finally open fully. Struggling with his breathing, he says:

— Let’s take it slow. I don’t want to rush anything between us. I want you to do this when you’re ready, Amanda.

I can’t say anything, just look at him. My lips are parted, and my breathing is as rapid and intense as his. Gavin continues:

— But... I ask for permission to do one thing. Just one thing.

He slowly unbuttons the buttons of my pajamas. I start to tremble, but not due to a negative emotion. When all the buttons are finally undone, he opens my shirt, but not completely. Only the skin of my belly is exposed.

— May I?

I nod. He then lowers his head, starting to kiss my belly.

He gives slow, warm, and gentle kisses, just as he does. He does it patiently and doesn’t rush at any moment. Occasionally, Gavin alternates kisses with soft licks, and I arch my back when I feel the touch of his warm, moist tongue.

For countless minutes, it’s all he does: keeping me safe from the feeling of pain and impending hell, personally bringing me paradise.

With my eyes half-closed, I think about how wonderful it is to be alive.

How wonderful it is to be here with him, in this bed, within these walls. How wonderful it is to be safe from the outside world, which knows how to use cruelty against those who dare to step even a single toe out of line.

How wonderful it is to know that Gavin would never disrespect me, never take a single step toward me that wasn’t completely allowed by me.

Because he wanted to see me.

Because he was hopelessly in love with me.

And because I was also hopelessly in love with him.

Amid his silent declaration of affection, I feel a tear of happiness rolling down one of my eyes, along with a genuine smile spreading across my face.