Here is the translation of Amanda's text into English:

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As soon as I finish speaking, my eyes widen, but it’s too late. I’ve confessed my desire in a raw and direct way, and Donovan looks at me with such intensity that it’s almost impossible to know how he’ll react. Slightly uneasy, I return his gaze. I see a genuine satisfaction fill his lips and a secret shine appearing in his dark irises.

— Really? — It’s just two short words, but the way they are said, slowly and quietly, sends shivers down my spine.

— Yes... — I admit. I feel my cheeks flush. — You... You’re nice.

“You’re nice?” What a pathetic thing to say to a forty-year-old millionaire who is hopelessly in love with you, Amanda!

Fortunately, Donovan isn’t offended by the lack of sentimentality but laughs heartily. Shyly, I continue to look at him, waiting for him to compose himself. The imposing and charming man wipes a discreet tear from the corner of his eye and murmurs:

— So you really want to spend more time with me.

I reply immediately:

— Of course. I would spend every day with you if I could.

And it was true. Although Gavin's company was always wonderful and brought joy to my heart, I always had the feeling that something was missing. The lightness, spontaneity, and sensitivity of the blonde Californian were dear to me, but Donovan had the seriousness, decision-making, and natural strength that perfectly complemented him.

To be completely honest, in an ideal and entirely selfish world recreated by me, I would have both of them with me every day. They wouldn’t compete with each other or rival for my affection. They would just get along, doing the necessary daily things, like Gavin’s course and driving the Urus, and both could relax and be with me. No fights, no discussions, and no tense conversations about feelings and what to do about them.

Of course, I would love to sleep in this bed, and of course, I would miss Gavin’s constant presence by my side. But there was nothing to be done about it... At this moment, Donovan was here in front of me, and it was seeing him that made my heart beat faster. From his expression, I could see that this was exactly what he wanted, that I spend the night with him.

— I can’t leave you alone for too long — he says softly, now with more sadness than before.

Yeah, there was that too. Apparently, I was still a ticking time bomb, and any spark or mistake in the counter could lead me to a new explosion; one that would definitely kill me this time. When would I finally be free from that torment? When would my body understand that I was safe and no longer needed to fear?

... The pain and anguish would remain, but the imminent danger no longer existed. I was no longer in the concrete and asphalt jungles, where men are more animalistic than any creature found in a forest. I no longer needed to do questionable and dangerous things to ensure a roof, a comfortable place to sleep, or a dose of the cheapest liquor I could find. No; now all I had to do was breathe deeply, live one day at a time, and be properly cared for by those good guys.

However, a person’s prison is not their body, but their mind. If that breaks, everything else becomes automatically useless and pathetic.

Overcome with anguish but forcing myself not to show it, I try to respond as firmly as possible.

— I’m not that unstable.

Donovan immediately notices my frustration and leans closer to me, but without touching me.

— I know you’re not, my little one — he responds, making me gasp with the “my.” — But your health is very important, and we can’t take unnecessary risks. Tomorrow I’ll need to spend the whole morning at Urus, and I’m not sure what time I’ll be able to return. Some things are happening that require my attention, so it won’t be exactly a typical workday.

— Is it that urgent?

— Unfortunately, yes. And believe me when I say I would be the happiest man in the world if you could spend this night with me.

I let out a nervous laugh, both embarrassed and delighted. I love the slight accent in his words, as well as how caring and attentive he is.

— However... — he scratches his chin. — I can set aside a weekend for us to spend together.

I reflect silently on the suggestion. Of course, I wanted to say yes, but how would Gavin feel about it? Although our relationship hadn’t changed and things remained more or less as they were before, it was clear that he might feel hurt, confused, or replaced. That wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want to make anyone sad.

Well, what could I do about it? In the end, someone would be devastated, and that wasn’t negotiable.

As if reading my thoughts, Donovan murmurs:

— Talk to Gavin about it.

— ... I will.

— Look, Amanda. I just want you to understand that, in the end, whatever you want, I will accept. Whatever you think is best, I will understand. This isn’t about what I and he feel, but about what you feel.

— Donovan...

— I would happily watch you choose Gavin and be with him forever if it meant you are safe, secure, and away from risks that could drive you to end your own life.

The seriousness in his voice as he speaks, along with his neutral yet firm features, makes me fall into contemplative silence. Donovan continues:

— But I’m not a hypocrite. If you chose me, if you wanted me by your side forever, you wouldn’t even miss him. — And then he whispers in my ear: — Because I would deliver paradise to your feet, hands, and every other part of your body.

I curl my toes reflexively, once again shivering. Slowly, as if in a dance, he delicately traces his fingers along my waist, sliding to my lower back. Seeing that I seem comfortable, he extends his other hand to my face, drawing me closer to him. Now we are gazing into each other’s eyes with minimal distance between our faces. With the bridge of his nose, he caresses my cheeks. I close my eyes, savoring the sensations.

My legs tremble with joy, excitement, satisfaction, or whatever mix of all of these it was. Donovan’s touch is possessive yet not invasive, as if he were silently saying he was about to possess me. And that wasn’t a threat or a statement of ownership, nor offensive. Then his fingers start moving towards my ribs. Each movement seemed calculated, a test for both of us. My voice wouldn’t disappear again, I was sure, but he still wasn’t.

I feel a murmur from his throat, which could be a sigh or a groan of pleasure. His legs intertwine with mine and, slowly and gently, his lips begin to touch mine. Donovan gives me a slow and warm peck, then applies more kisses to my cheeks, forehead, nose, and neck. After this session of light kisses, he returns to my mouth and kisses me more softly. I notice the firmness of his member, but I’m not alarmed or triggered. I just keep my eyes closed and enjoy every second.

Amid the little make-out session, he pauses only to say:

— You’re going to be mine. — And then he kisses me more eagerly.

I feel one of his hands on my neck, the other returning to my lower back. Although I realize he wants to do more than just this, I know he won’t. Besides being too soon, we didn’t even know if it would be possible for me to have this kind of contact again one day. My mind is stable for now, and I don’t feel any need to flee, fight, or freeze in place. And I know it’s because I don’t fear him, just as I don’t fear Gavin.

Because my mind already understood that they were not strange and corrupted men who would abuse me and play with my feelings. No, they were taking me extremely seriously and were willing to be permanently by my side for the rest of my life. Not just willing, but competing with each other.

I didn’t remember the last time I had anything like this, or if I had ever been in a comparable situation. The impression I had was that my entire life was submerged in a muddy and dark lake, and everything below it was so murky and full of filth that it was impossible to distinguish anything. I didn’t want to wade into the water to examine those memories, and if I could just pretend that the past didn’t exist, it would be much easier.

Donovan holds me more tightly. Here in his arms, I felt safe, protected, and completely at ease. That feeling was incredible, and amid the kisses, I couldn’t help but let a tear of joy and relief roll down my cheek. Taken aback by the wetness on my face, the vice president of Urus wipes himself and soon removes the excess from my face. We return to gazing at each other.

It seems like the outside world doesn’t exist. Are we trapped in some kind of dream?

Then Donovan asks softly:

— Are you okay?

I nod.

— Do you want me to take you back to Gavin’s apartment?

I think for a moment before responding.

— I... Can I stay a little longer?

The smile he gives is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.

— Of course you can.

Then Donovan leans back against the headboard, inviting me to stay with him. Obediently, I curl up in his lap. He kisses me on the forehead, and we remain like that, in a silence that is neither uncomfortable nor awkward. Then I say:

— How was it?

— Hmm?

— How was it coming out... of the pit?

Donovan processes the question and takes a moment to answer. Naturally, he was thinking about what to share with me and how to convey it properly. Then he pulls me a little closer and reflects:

— That’s a tough question. I don’t know exactly how or when I came out of the pit. I can’t say if it was a single act that made all the difference; if it was a sequence of events or if I just had a bit of luck combined with willpower. I always think that if I were less rich and influential, and if I didn’t have so many people around me who needed me, I wouldn’t have been able to overcome everything so quickly. But... But I know there are different paths for different people. The remedy that worked for me might be poison for you, and vice versa. That’s the intriguing part of humanity... Despite being extremely similar, we are also very different.

I think this is the first time I’ve seen him talk so much. The reserved man with few precise words is here with me, holding me, showing affection, and opening his heart. It feels like an alternate reality; a reality I hope becomes accessible more often. I subtly nod to show him that I’m listening. His voice echoes through the spacious room:

— I didn’t always have the money I have now. In fact, it seemed completely impossible about fifteen years ago. But I know what it’s like to have nothing and no one by your side. I know what it’s like to have to repeatedly occupy your mind with tasks and duties to avoid dwelling on your own sadness and loneliness. There are days when you manage; you come home and sleep heavily. And there are days when you fail, and as you lie down, you contemplate countless ways to end it all...

I remain silent, deeply touched by each of his words. Despite their sadness, I notice he isn’t distressed but inspired.

— I’ve tried once, you know? The first and only time I considered ending my own life and didn’t like it at all. My life no longer made sense, and I really didn’t want to wait for something to happen. But that was my mistake. Thinking that sitting and occupying my mind with trivialities would make it all end. I wasn’t dealing with the problem; I was running away from it. Depression is a terrible enemy that waits in the shadows before bringing you down. And if we’re not prepared, the chances of succumbing become higher and higher.

Donovan takes a deep breath before continuing:

— As soon as I was reborn, the first thing I did was seek help. Alone, I couldn’t win that fight, and it was hard to put my pride aside to admit it. Dr. Solloman was being transferred to Brazil, which I still think was a huge and happy coincidence, and I did intensive therapy with him for a good five years. When he declared that I was stable enough, I thought I would return to the United States with Gavin. And although we talked about it, we never even speculated about a specific date or action plan. I think neither he nor I really wanted to go back. This country was already our home.

The way Donovan speaks, simply pouring out his thoughts, weaknesses, and emotions, is quite different from how Gavin does. Unlike the CEO of Urus, the man holding me doesn’t have an undertone of melancholy or even a hint of anguish. He speaks in a low and thoughtful tone but in a neutral way. Those things no longer hurt him. It was as if Donovan understood exactly what happened to him and saw the facts with the coldness necessary not to be defeated by them. He was in control of himself and his mind, and would never be dragged down again.

All that strength and composure... Earned with great effort, dedication, and massive persistence. All the admiration I felt for him doubled, as did every ounce of passion that took over me. I feel that this was indeed the most intimate part of our entire afternoon. Not the confession, not the hot kisses with equally fierce touches; but this.

Knowing that soon, I would have to say goodbye to him... That made me truly sad. But Donovan wasn’t the only one who needed me. Gavin must also be lost in conflicting thoughts, and I should be there to clarify everything and provide all the necessary support.

It was becoming increasingly complicated. Was there a way to mediate this dispute, declare a tie? I just wished that this tug-of-war would end and that I could give all the attention and affection that both deserved.

Donovan looks at me.

— And even though I’ve known for a long time, Amanda, that it’s here in Brazil where I want to stay... Knowing that I can have you by my side, always so beautiful... and wonderful just the way you are... That’s the biggest reason I want to stay. — And then he kisses me.

Lost in his lips, I let myself be carried away once again by his promises and declarations. And I allow myself, at least this time, to let my imagination take me further... into a possible future where he is by my side every day, ready to guard and protect me.

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