(DONOVAN)

Here she is. In my house, in my territory, kissing my mouth and matching every ounce of feeling I show her. Her lips are warm, her tongue soft, and the brief seconds we spend exploring each other feel like an eternity.

But then Amanda gasps and stops kissing me, throwing herself back. Her eyes are glazed, and her hands grip the arms of the chair. She’s scared. Probably something triggered her mind. Damn.

I quickly get up and take two steps back.

— Amanda, I’m sorry...

The girl places both hands under her eyes and closes them. She seems to be concentrating on something or gathering strength to speak with me again. Troubled, I watch her chest rise and fall as she breathes and regulates her pace. Then Amanda opens her eyes and meets mine, apologizing without a sound. Still distant, I ask:

— Are you... Are you okay?

She nods.

— Can you speak?

The girl opens her mouth and... nothing.

— Ah. — I’m frustrated and resigned, not with her, but with myself. I should have controlled myself more, especially knowing her likely history of past abuse. How recent was it?

Amanda picks up one of the cereal bars. I notice her trembling fingers and the flush on her cheeks. Slowly, I return to my seat at the table and watch her silently. As much as she was in that state now, and I felt almost entirely guilty, a part of me, perhaps a bit egotistical and even somewhat chauvinistic, was thrilled to know she felt in love with me; that my feelings were reciprocated. But at what cost? I would never have touched her that way if I had known her silence might return.

Amanda looks at me as if she’s reading my thoughts. Her insight is impressive. Then she starts to test her throat with small sounds.

— You don’t have to do that. Don’t force your voice.

She looks at me as if to say, “but I want to talk to you.”

— You don’t need words to speak with me, little one. I don’t want to see you straining. Now let’s eat, okay?

A bit sulky but apparently resigned, Amanda and I finish the meal. Our gazes meet constantly, and despite the silence, there’s no embarrassment involved. The feeling surrounding me is one of peace and tranquility. It’s been a while since I hosted someone, and having someone under my care and roof again was wonderful, even if it was only a brief moment.

Soon, I would have to take her back to Gavin’s apartment... Not because I wanted to, but due to my damn work schedule. Especially with that last-minute problem cropping up; it seemed my normally required presence had become essential. Gavin wasn’t needed yet, but I had a feeling that would change quickly.

Amanda’s eyes are bright, and I see the shadow of a permanent smile on her face. She’s happy to be here with me, and I’m filled with satisfaction to see that. If only I could have more free time, devote myself entirely, and give her all the attention she needed and wanted...

After the snack, I give her a brief tour of the house, showing her each room. Apparently, she liked the pool area the most. Playfully, I wink and tell her that if she wants, she can take a dip. When Amanda gestures that she doesn’t have suitable underwear, I smile and whisper that she could swim without wearing anything.

She turns red. I chuckle softly.

The last room I show her is my bedroom. There’s a huge double bed in the center, along with a computer on a work desk, two shelves crammed with books, and a filing cabinet. The attached bathroom has the door closed.

Amanda keeps staring at the bed, and then approaches it. Her brown fingers smooth the soft surface of the sheets and pillows. I’d love to know what she’s thinking now, but I can only guess that she’s tempted to lie down a bit.

— Do you want to rest a little? — I ask.

She turns to me.

— I do.

Surprised and happy that her voice has returned, I gesture for her to settle in. Her eyes are half-closed, as if in a kind of trance. Seeing that she seems comfortable, I say:

— How’s that?

Amanda stretches out completely and moves to the opposite side of the bed. Then she raises her eyebrows as she looks at me peculiarly.

— Yes?

— Aren’t you going to lie down?

Now it’s my turn to blush. Slowly and carefully keeping a minimally respectful distance, I settle in. My heart races, heat spreading through my body.

Amanda is beside me on my bed. Subtle tremors spread through my hands. She doesn’t seem to notice, and if she does, she hides it so well it’s imperceptible to me. Her face is contemplative and innocent, but the gaze is of someone much older and weary. What the world had done to that girl was unforgivable. I would gladly destroy anyone I knew to be responsible for every symptom and scar Amanda had and might carry for the rest of her life.

We gaze at each other. Outside, the only sound is the wind rustling the leaves of the treetops. I wish that moment could be frozen forever, and that nothing and no one could take her away from me. She was in love with my friend, which was the natural and expected condition. But she was also in love with me, and once that was established as a fact, it only increased my desire to keep her with me and no one else. I would just need time and patience.

Shyly, Amanda smiles at me and says:

— It would be so nice to sleep with you tonight.