(DONOVAN)

Two whole weeks pass. Two weeks of work, pointless meetings, employees being hired and fired, projects being discussed, and a lot, a lot of desire to throw it all away and let Gavin take care of his own company for a change. After all, unlike certain things and people, Urus was officially his. The least he could do was try to lead.

The contact between us had cooled a bit, and it was evident that he already knew what was happening in my heart. I didn't try to disguise it at any time, actually, as I knew it would be useless to his eyes. Gavin had known me for over fifteen years and could already recognize each expression, tone of voice, and way I acted. However, now that was turning against me.

We still sent messages to each other, usually talking about the company or anything else but Amanda. It was obvious he was hiding something, but he had always been terrible at pretending normalcy. His smiles and looks, always so sincere and spontaneous, now gave an air of austerity and even coldness when we had our virtual chats via Skype. He also seemed to be completely focused on the English course for Brazilian natives, and although part of all this dedication seemed genuine, it was hard to swallow that the reason for such behavior was that.

I myself confess that I also did not try to feign worry, anxiety, or confusion about all this. Pretending wasn't difficult, but there was no reason for me to even try. Apparently, at some point, I would need to put my foot down and say everything I thought and felt. Given the circumstances, his reaction probably wouldn't be the best, but that was what I had to do if I wanted to continue honoring the Jones name.

At lunchtime, I sit in the cafeteria in one of the rare moments I feel inclined to stay in the middle of the mess. The buzz is partially diminished by my presence, many eyes turn to me. Silently, I devour a typical dish here: rice, steak, beans, and French fries. I used to find the combination strange and unhealthy, but now it is definitely one of my favorite meals.

Catching me by surprise, Rebecca, Gavin's secretary who now basically worked for me, brings her tray to the table where I'm sitting. I notice other looks, this time more accusatory and surprised. The buzz gradually increases, and then turns into the general hubbub that it usually is on normal days.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Jones," her voice is as pleasant as always, and she opens a gentle smile.

"Rebecca," I greet her politely.

She starts to salt the leaf salad and open a cup of what seems to be fruit juice.

"I'm sorry if I'm being inconvenient, sir," she speaks again, still not starting to eat. "But something has happened that requires your immediate attention."

Now I put down the fork, frowning and waiting for her to give her message. Nervously, Rebecca continues:

"There has been a small drop in the usual stocks. A loss of 0.78%."

"What?!"

"I wanted to tell you first before disclosing any data," she spoke in a low tone. "The loss was in the international relations sector. One of our clients jumped ship and decided to terminate the contract."

I cross my arms.

"Who is this client? Did you try to stop him?"

"Of course I did, Mr. Jones, I even insisted that he wait a bit before making this decision, that he talk to you. But he was quite assertive."

"His name, Rebecca."

"Jhin Zung. He was our strongest ally in Shanghai."

I force my memory to attach a face to this name. Yes, we had some dealers in Asia and were about to open another one. The diplomacy between us wasn't exactly a bed of roses, but we never had problems stabilizing things. What could have happened? Why had such a decision been made without at least a prior meeting, a formal communication?

"Thank you for informing me," I shake my head in denial and frustration and take a sip of water. She follows my lead, sipping her juice, looking quite disheartened and anxious. "Announce it to our employees tomorrow morning. It was a small loss, and although I find it quite unfortunate, I don't think it's the end of the world."

She nods sadly, obviously still shaken by the news. Urus did not have the reputation of being left behind, our allies usually even renewed contracts. My brain spins inside my skull. What to expect from now on? Isolated incident or a bad omen?

"Is there anything else I can do?" she asks softly.

I blink. Then answer, sullen:

"You've already done a lot. I greatly appreciate you letting me know, Rebecca."

"It's always an honor to do whatever is necessary for the greater good, Mr. Jones," are her last words before she gets up and settles at another table. Some heads turn to me, but I don't care.

Would Gavin blame me for this? How impactful would the loss of that representative be for our monthly revenue? I scratch my head and go back to eating, but suddenly the meal doesn't seem so appetizing anymore. I would need to communicate this to him anyway, but it was too important a piece of news to be given through a message.

That meant I should see him. In person.

When did our sporadic meetings become a tense event? I grab my cell phone and send a message via WhatsApp, saying we needed to meet.

He reacts to my message with a "thumbs up" and tells me to meet him at a well-known tea house in Leblon.

Strange. After all, I don't remember any day he left home and left Amanda alone. Could she be well enough for Gavin not to worry?

I confirm my presence in two hours and go back to chewing, stressed and irritated. Maybe today was the day when everything would be ready to blow up.

. . . . . . . . . .

(AMANDA)

As soon as Gavin says he will meet Donovan at a café or something, I stop reading the chapter of the latest volume of The Tiger's Curse and look at him. My speech disappeared again two weeks ago, after my tearful cry and the... interaction that my host and I had following that. Since then, our standard communication of visual interactions had returned. Naturally, he perfectly understands the feeling I want to express. I'll be alone, then?

He leans against the door, tilting his head as he says:

"Apparently something urgent happened at Urus and he wants to tell me in person. Since it's a business matter, I prefer to resolve it quickly and somewhere far from here."

I keep looking at Gavin questioningly, who continues:

"And you must have noticed he's been kind of... distant."

If I could speak, I would say the feeling was mutual. Gavin wasn't making much effort to communicate with his best friend, and even seemed pleased with the new dynamic. His behavior had indeed not changed, and our relationship remained more or less the same. The only obvious difference was that the compliments became more frequent, as did the little declarations and warm smiles. As my resistance to physical touch had returned along with my muteness, he hadn't touched me once.

I still frequently revisited the night when our lips touched; our bodies intertwined and how for a whole period of time I felt more or less normal, without the weight of the universe threatening to crush my back and implode my chest.

When his hands touched my face and back, I felt a great instinct to be protected, to be cared for. And I saw in every detail of his gestures that was exactly what he wanted to do; it would basically be his life's mission, if it wasn't already. But there were many barriers, many details for this fantasy to become reality. Would it be possible one day for all this not to be just a dream or a partially impossible goal, but something tangible?

And if the possibility finally became true, would I follow that path?

Gavin was wonderful. Refined, gentle, loyal, affectionate, and knew like no one else how to convey all the affection he carried in his heart. His joy was contagious, as well as his care and attention to detail. He was a man of nobility and education; emotional and perhaps even somewhat needy, but that didn't bother me. It seemed the last time he had something close to a romance was with the so-called Alexandra, who obviously did not have good relations with him after the breakup. The loneliness must have destroyed him.

However, it wasn't just Gavin who had a bubble of silence around him. As far as I knew, Donovan was an even more solitary wolf, constantly needing to be the professional businessman responsible for Urus's growth and prosperity. I knew he was proud of his work, and until then I had never heard a single complaint about the necessary efforts, but how was that man's heart?

His evident lack of control and loss of his usual haughty pose when he was near me indicated one thing, that he had really been without feeling that for someone for a long time. But more than that, he longed for someone to look at him that way too, to want him and see him as someone beyond that, beyond the rich businessman always ready to work and straighten out the financial axes.

I saw in his interior how much he needed affection, attention, and loyalty. Donovan was reserved, cautious, but that didn't mean he was less intense or even cold. His look and smile were more than enough to make my heart race and my hands sweat. Giving myself to him seemed very easy and natural, like a bird looking for its nest. With him by my side, I would always have a safe harbor. Donovan would act in control, but not in an abusive or restrictive way; he would just make the important decisions while leaving me calm and away from all the stress that could break me more than I was already broken.

The feeling of guilt for being between the

two remained in full swing, and Gavin had been wonderful in understanding and even supporting it. He even stopped referring to Donovan as someone who would be rejected and almost a villain in the situation. There was no confrontation between the two, no hatred, nothing that indicated an imminent rupture between them. Which, in a way, gave me hope that things would be resolved more easily than they appeared.

My priority was to regain my voice, control, and everything I had lost over the years. Being at the mercy of emotions and fears that had nothing to do with reality was completely beyond my plans. I wanted to be free from the nightmarish legacy of what I had become. Of what he had made me become.

My goal was very clear to me: I would eliminate his presence from my life, erase every mark he had left on me and that made me remember how much I had been a pawn in his hands. I would regain control of my body and soul. And then, only then, would I have the autonomy to decide who would have the gift of being by my side and participating in my days.

The mission was hard and had no deadline. I had almost given up once, when I ran to the bridge ready to put an end to the physical existence I didn't want to belong to me anymore. That was the only time I saw Gavin cry and show his true despair. Would I be able to endure everything again? Maybe yes. Maybe not. I just knew I was fighting with all my remaining strength.

His presence brought me back to reality, and I realized my thinking face had been captured by him. Gavin now had a slightly amused expression as if he were already used to my sudden daydreams.

I tilt my head and ask silently:

How long will it take?

He lets out a sigh and stretches before answering:

"Just an hour or two. If everything goes well, I'll be back before dark."

I nod. The worst of all was to feel like an encumbrance. He didn't show any displeasure for taking care of me or doing everything to make me feel better. But that was precisely what was preventing me from advancing. When would I not need someone to treat me like a glass doll anymore? When would I finally be able to breathe normally and feel alive?

Now Gavin looked at me with a more thoughtful and even intrigued expression. He asks:

"Are you okay?"

I didn't know. I hadn't known for years. Would I ever know?

I reply with a quick, forced smile.

With a sigh, he starts to get ready to go out. After a few minutes, I hear the key turn and Gavin's presence disappear from the environment.

Time to think, again. Time to get lost in an intense and unknown sea of ​​imagination and thoughts.

It's amazing how painful being me had become.