(I am not on Botafogo Beach. The sea breeze has been silenced, the salt air has simply disappeared. I am in someone's arms, and something soft and warm is protecting me from the cold. The dull noise of something (the engine of a car, perhaps?) is the only sound I can hear.

I had faced it, the great and welcoming abyss of death. It was blue, deep, and held the promise: I will end all your pains. I felt the cold stones under the soles of my feet, and each step was heavy; as if my body knew what it was about to do and tried to dissuade me from the idea.

Facing death with my own eyes, I confess that I wavered. I sat down and questioned whether that was really what I should do. The answer was obvious, blunt: yes.

So I stood up. In the recesses of my consciousness, a thread of survival instinct suffered, still trying in vain to convince me not to jump. Looking at the waves breaking below, I was almost able to hear the cries of "jump" with each splash of water.

That's when the guys called out to me.

They said things like "it will be okay" and that they would help me. The little kindness that still exists in men must have sounded the alarm in them, and they set out to stop me. And my heart truly ached to notice that, that two strangers saw another stranger about to end it all, but they cared.

And I wanted to say that to them, that I felt gratitude. But a gram of this altruistic feeling was nothing compared to the crushing and oppressive weight of the emptiness that had consumed me for years. So there was absolutely nothing they or anyone else could do. It was the end.

Of course, I didn't say anything. I hadn't been able to speak for some time either. But so what? I was going to die and wouldn't have to deal with the remorse of not having explained it to them.

Well, but I wasn't dead. My body, at least, was still intact. Oxygen entered my lungs, and the pain from my recent cuts was very real. I murmured something meaningless as I was carried away by sensations, and the man carrying me looked at me, distressed. One of his hands went to my hair and gently stroked it.

I ended up falling asleep.)