Sarah...
September 2020... Chicago...
It's been two days since my date with Matt and, so far, I think I'm hooked, because not only is he one of the most beautiful black men I've seen, but he took me on a date that felt like it let me be free, let out the little girl in me, like I didn't have to try to act tough around a man or try to use him as a social ladder. I could just be. And after the date, he seems to be stuck in my head because I haven't been able to get my head on straight. I haven't been able to get over the kiss we had, how my lips desperately craved for his gentle touch, how my chest felt being pressed against his warm muscular chest. His body stole any form of composure I thought I had, his stern eyes sent shivers down my spine. My lips felt like they melted in his. Like they whispered a sound that only I could hear, a sound that my body desperately wanted to hear, a sound that felt completely imagined or made up, but its sole existence couldn't be denied because it sounded like want, lust and every other lingering desire I had of the male species. The taste of his lips sent mild tremors to my knees and something in me knew he felt that too. It took a lot for me to be able to stop and walk away from him, but I did and the memory of the kiss now seems to be haunting me for the rest of my days.
Today I decided I'll put an end to it the only way I know how - I'll just see him enough till he does something wrong or I get bored with him. No one can be that amazing all the time. It seems like an extreme reaction, but what do you do when you have a craving for a particular dish? You just eat it till you get bored with it. And that's what I plan to do; get as much of him as I can and then kick him to the curb. So I pick up my phone, and without offering any of the niceties, I just asked: 
"Are you busy tonight? I'd like for us to meet up tonight? Work today is feeling very strenuous and I think I need a distraction".
"Oh, so I'm the distraction guy now?"
"Well, yeah. You play it really well. So, are you in?"
And before I could put my phone down, he replies. (How does he find the time to always be so close to his phone?) : Of course, I'd be honoured. I'll pick you up  by 8."
8 o'clock came close and I was all dressed and getting nervous, my heart was racing and I couldn't calm down.
Get a grip on yourself Sarah. You've been on dates before. Why are you suddenly nervous?
I tried to ask myself that over and over but it didn't seem to calm me down. So I picked up my phone, about to cancel, when I heard a knock on the door. I took a deep breath, walked up to the door and opened it. The sight of him just seemed to take away any nervous energy I had because looking at his face made me feel relaxed, like I was in a place I'd been before, and no matter how it went, I knew we'd be alright. But then, this is a guy I barely know. I don't even know where he's from, his past or who he really is, but somehow, he makes me feel safe; safer than I've ever been, which is really strange.
Back to reality, I look at his outfit and this time he dresses officially. He can really work a suit... And here I was in nothing but a jacket on a red dress.  We walked out the door to see a limo waiting outside. I really didn't know what or how to feel. 
"A limo?"  I asked.
"You asked for a distraction, so I'm going to be the best distraction there ever was". He replied.
On the ride over, all I could think about was why a guy would go this all out over me. why it feels like he's pulling out all the stops to impress me. Although I've had guys try to impress me before, each in  his own way. Some planning overly expensive dates, some acting like they're overcompensating for some sort of shortcoming by talking too much about themselves. All I could think about on the ride was what sort of monstrosity this guy was planning, because he had already hired a limo. I wouldn't be shocked if he did something extra like hiring a chef or going over his budget to go to the most expensive restaurant; but either way, I just felt a disaster coming. Who knows, maybe this is the thing that makes me fed up of this craving. 
"So what are your thoughts so far?" He started up the conversation.
" Well, it's fine when you're taking a girl out to prom. All of these feel a little excessive to me." I said, trying my best not to roll my eyes.
"I remembered your little tale about guys who would try to impress you by making overly expensive gestures and how that always enrages you. So I thought I'd start our date by getting on your nerves". He boldly replied.
"I honestly have no idea how to respond to that. You mean you did this just to get on my nerves? I thought you wanted to  be on my good side?" I asked, getting infuriated.
"Oh, I can get on your good side anytime I want. But I also want you to know that I'm also capable of doing the unexpected and turning what seemed like a negative into a positive". He replied with some sort of smug look on his face. I didn't get what he was playing at, but something about what he said or the way he said it made me really curious to see how the night plays out.
" Let's see how it goes then". I say.
........ This already feels like it's going to be a long night.........
The limo pulled over in front of a building and I recognized it as soon as I stepped out of the vehicle.
"Is this your plan? To get me to your place and try to sweep me off my feet with a home-cooked meal? Way to switch up from expensive to cheap really fast. Whats next? Are you going to try to charm me with the sweet fragrance of your bedroom?" I replied, visibly getting infuriated. 
"Calm yourself". He said assertively. "No one said anything about being hungry. And I didn't say I could cook, neither did I say anything about my bedroom". 
"Then why are we here then?"  I asked.
"What you seek is on the roof". He  said in a way that took away my fury and replaced it with the curiosity that I began the night with.
So we went up the roof and I saw what seemed like the best scene out of a romantic movie. There was a makeshift tent covering one portion of the roof and inside the tent, there was a TV hanging on the wall and a sofa facing it. Besides the sofa was a small table which had a wine bottle in an ice bucket with two wine glasses besides it and, at the extreme, was a microwave which he walked over to and brought out pizza. 
"Its movies and pizza tonight". He said with a very big smile.
"I have to say, I am impressed". I say, trying very hard to hide the butterflies fluttering in my stomach.
"I told you it would be different. Look up". He said, motioning at the ceiling.
I looked up to see the top of the tent was made of a transparent material that made it so we could see the sky and stars. At this point, I felt an insane wave of affection hit me and it nearly brought tears to my eyes. But I shrugged it off and asked: "Did you also decide what we're watching?"
"Well, on our first date, you told me you liked romantic movies, so I got us a few options, but seeing how your face seems to be blushing non-stop, I think I'll pick the least romantic one. Wouldn't want it to seem like I'm rushing you or something". 
I felt a little bit embarrassed that he noticed, but I shrugged it off and said: "Pick whichever you want".
So he picked a movie, set it up, served us wine and pizza and we sat watching the movie. Although I liked the silence that came with watching the movie, I felt like he was a bit too focused on the movie. That I didn't mind because it gave me time to stare at him and focus on his facial features. I loved the way his grey eyes shone even in the dim light, how his jaws clenched when he chewed, which sent ripples on his face which forced the light to reflect beautifully on his sideburns, how his lips slightly puckered when he took a sip from the wine. I had no idea how lost in him I was till he turned to me and I kissed him........
I couldn't explain how it happened; it could have been the wine, the date or just me, but I found myself so lost in his presence that I sat on his lap, kissed him and started undressing. He seemed taken aback at first, but then he held me tightly, kissed me on my neck, and he helped me take off my jacket. He looked into my eyes, which sent weird chills to the whole of me and he simply slid down the hands of my dress and my bra was the only thing covering my top half. With his tongue, he traced down my skin starting from my lips, then he went to my neck, building a lot of tension in my body, then with his lips, he traced along my upper chest for a while, circled around my breasts, down the middle of my chest. From there, he laid me on my back; and just like clockwork, flashes from my childhood came pouring in. My chest tensed up, I couldn't breathe, my legs stiffened, I felt like a stranger in my own body. This has been quite a routine for me. Whenever I was about to have sex, the panic attacks came. Images from my time as a prisoner come pouring into my head and it forces tears out my eyes. A lot of guys I've been with flee and some just keep going ignoring me. But in that darkness and influx of emotions, I heard his voice speak to me.
"Just relax, breathe. Focus on your breathing, deep breaths in and deep breaths outs." 
I did as instructed and strangely enough, it worked. I felt my body start to calm down, I felt my muscles relax, then I opened my eyes to see his eyes staring at me with so much care behind them. 
"I'm fine."  I say, trying to shrug it off and act tough. But he just pulls me and held me in his arms. At first I tried to struggle, but I gave in after I realised that he wasn't going to let go. I just sank into his arms and uncontrollable tears flowed down my cheeks. He just held me in his arms, saying nothing till I fell asleep in his arms.
.......... What a date..........