When my performance was over, I immediately went backstage, feeling a little confused.
It was a strange feeling. I had never really looked at him closely, but when our gazes locked earlier, I felt like I had truly met him somewhere.
I couldn’t remember where, though.
Trying to shake off the feeling, I went to the locker room, grabbed my stuff, and sat down to check my finances for the month. Luckily, I had enough money for meals for the next three weeks. My brother Ken was in his final year of med school, and I knew things would get easier once he started his residency.
As I leaned back against the wall, I couldn’t help but reflect on my life.
I grew up as the eldest daughter in a tight-knit family. My father worked in construction while my mother worked a part-time job in the mornings in order to help with the finances. Money was tight and my siblings barely got to eat three meals a day, but we were happy.
Soon after, I made the decision to drop out of college to support my brother’s education. Mom and Dad were getting older and were also prone to sickness, especially during bad weather. The more they aged, the more their bodies and immune systems grew weaker.
In order to help with the expenses, I took up multiple part-time jobs.
Our family was quite close to each other. Although Dad was strict and Mom nagged at us on occasion, it was all out of love. To be honest, Dad could barely say no to us — his children — while Mom would always help us out with homework even when both of them were tired from their jobs.
We siblings appreciated them so much that we grew humble and hardworking, wishing that we could do something quickly to pay back our parents for their selfless efforts in raising us.
We siblings were grateful for our parents’ selfless efforts in raising us. This made us grow humble and hardworking through the years, and we wished we could do something quickly to repay them.
Ken was the middle child in the family. He was a sweet boy who was always at the top of his class. At that time, he was in his senior year of high school, yet he worked a part-time job at a convenience store at night to earn his own allowance.
Working in a place like that could get pretty boring, so he always used that idle time to study and review his notes. He was preparing for college in advance and planned on getting a full scholarship.
Louisa, the youngest of the family, was a sweetheart who often made everyone smile. She had just started middle school and had a lot of friends because of her cheerful, outgoing nature.
Being the youngest of the family, and a female at that, we looked out for Louisa the best we could. You could say that we were quite protective of her, but we also made sure not to embarrass or overwhelm her.
We were a happy family, but we struggled a lot with money. Dad was getting weaker, and Mom was working tirelessly to support us and take care of the house at the same time. They were concerned about sending my brother to college, so I had to make a choice.
“I’m dropping out,” I told them one day while they were seriously discussing the matter in the kitchen.
Mom was horrified. “Julia! You can’t do that!”
Dad frowned at me, looking entirely disapproving. “I will not allow it. You’re going to finish college, and that’s it.”
“But my brother has to go to college,” I told them. “He has better grades than I do, and I know that my major is too expensive for you. I’m already grateful enough to both of you for agreeing to let me take this major at all despite knowing how expensive it is, just because you know that art is my passion. However,” I added quietly, my heart breaking at what I was about to say next, “we all know very well that it’s not a lucrative career at all compared to being a doctor.
“Julia—”
“Mom, I’ll get a job instead and help you out,” I said firmly. “My degree can wait. My brother… Ken has too much at stake to give up now. He has to continue his studies no matter what. He’s going to be a doctor, Mom. The scholarship can only pay for so much, and you know that. Ken has a much better future than I do. I promise I’ll be fine. I can wait.”
Mom was crying. Dad soothed her back as he stared at me with eyes filled with emotion. I knew this was a difficult decision for them. They were already struggling with Dad’s hospital bills from his surgery last month, so continuing to support my tuition and allowances was straining their finances.
They didn’t know it, but I found out that they were also dipping into their hard-earned savings and asking our relatives for help. They were even considering taking out a loan.
It hurt my heart to see them like that, so I spent many sleepless nights and finally came to this decision. I knew it was for the best, even though it hurt.
Making art was a part of who I was. It was my passion. I loved drawing and designing things. Even though I knew it was hard to turn creative processes into a lucrative career, I was determined to work hard and hone my skills so that I could create a beautiful portfolio when applying for jobs.
Art supplies and digital equipment cost a lot of money, but my parents believed in me because they had faith and also because they saw what I could do.
Unfortunately, my dream of getting a degree and finding a stable job after graduation would have to end right here.
And it was true. Ken had about a million times more potential than I did when it came to getting a high-paying job, and he was also very diligent with his studies. He was the family’s only hope, so I didn’t really mind giving up my education for him.
If I decided to continue with my college education, Ken would have to delay entering college after high school. It was a no-brainer.
So I dropped out of school at the age of nineteen and started doing odd jobs here and there.
This went on for eight years, and I never complained. At least, not to my family.
My friends were either working abroad or staying home as new mothers. It was lonely. I worked in restaurants, bars, and hotels as a service worker. I had one boss who was kind enough to notice my hard work and gave me a raise, especially since I once told her about my family situation.
I also had a boss who worked me to the bone and never gave me overtime pay, especially after sending me on multiple errands every few days. I really wanted to quit working there, but the pay was a little higher than my usual jobs, so I had to stick it out.
Working three jobs in one day was painful. You had to be energetic and friendly every day or the customers would complain. You also had to be good and organized with your work so that the customers would be less picky.
It was not only exhausting physically, but also mentally.
My brother was now in his final year of medical school on a full scholarship and living in a dorm. After graduation and rigorous training, he was one step away from starting his residency program. I had never been prouder.
For those eight years, I took care of my brother and barely had time for myself.
I was 27 years old now. Five years ago, I would’ve already graduated from college. Five years ago, I probably would’ve had a stable job by now. Five years ago, I would’ve been on the same timeline as my peers.
But until today, I was alone. My friends from high school and college were already living their best lives, working hard, traveling the world, getting engaged or married. They were racing towards their dreams while I lagged behind them at the bottom of the stairs.
I was now approaching my thirties. One more year and I could start saving for college again. I wanted to finish my degree and graduate and get back on track. I loved my brother, and I didn’t regret my sacrifice, but from time to time I couldn’t help but think about what might have been.
I sighed. “You can’t do this to yourself, Julia,” I told myself aloud.
People often said that life wasn’t a race, that you could go through life at your own pace. When I thought about it that way, I felt a little better.
Maybe there was another future waiting for me.
After arranging my things and slinging my bag over my shoulder, I left the locker room and headed back to the bar.
However, as I approached the door leading back to the main hall, I heard what seemed to be a loud commotion coming from there.
Frozen in place, I was considering whether or not to go in when angry shouts suddenly filled my ears.
“You dirty rat! Give me back my wallet!”
“I didn’t steal your filthy wallet! Stop blaming others for your carelessness!”
“Don’t you dare try that with me! I saw the way you were looking at it earlier when I brought it out!”
I stood there, slowly processing the argument in my head.
There seemed to be a fight going on at the bar.
And it did not seem pretty.