I was hoping that one day, he would learn to look at my direction and to notice me, to recognize me in the public, and to stop others from calling me a bastard.
But the senator never did any of that.
I remembered the times when we had our family dinner once a month. The senator would only drop by for a while and then he and mom would spend their whole time locked up in their room as if no one else mattered.
He never asked me anything. He never bothered to know me. He would only give our allowance as if his responsibility to me and my mom ends there. Mom had lost a lot. Her parents abandoned her after finding out her forbidden relationship with the senator. I was never given a chance to get to know our other relatives because of that.
I was afraid to hope again only to get disappointed again. The world never gave me the chance to feel any positive emotion while I was growing up. That’s why I couldn’t accept the light Diana was offering.
I would never take my mask off.

(Miranda)
‘DID you finally come to your senses and end things with him?’
I lowered my head upon seeing the hatred in Papa’s eyes. Just like before, his eyes and voice were both stern as he gazed at me.
I had never given up on them. I try to visit my parents at least once a month, hoping that one day, they would learn to accept me. But they had never opened their door to me since they kicked me out. They didn’t allow me to step foot in our house again.
They had been refusing all the gifts I sent them. They hadn’t even talked to me properly except whenever they were asking if I had already broken up with Alexander.
‘No, Pa. I can’t do it,’ I replied in a low voice. ‘I can’t afford to lose him. I need him in my life.’
‘If that’s the case, then never come back here again, Miranda. We don’t want to see your face anymore. Next time, I wouldn’t even talk to you since doing that is a waste of time. You never listen to us anyway. Your mama and I are sick and tired waiting for you to come to your senses!’
I laughed bitterly upon the memory. I stepped in the house after Renata opened the door for me. I dropped myself on the couch.
I went to the bar after visiting my parents’ house. Despite the haziness in my head, I still recognized Alexis who just arrived. But he didn’t even glance my way.
When he was about to climb stairs, I called him.
“Hey, Alexis,” I said in a raspy voice. I motioned the space beside me. “Come here.”
He looked like he was only forced to follow my command. He stared at me for a few seconds before he sat in a separate chair. Even if I was disappointed, a smile still curled my lips.
My son was really good-looking. He got his nose, his mouth, and the color of his hair from me. The rest of his physical attributes were from Alexander.
He was the fruit of our forbidden love.
“It looks like the list of your favorite places has been increasing. Before, it was a casino. Now, it was the bar. Wow, Miranda.” He clapped his hands. “You are truly living your best life as a single woman. You’re doing it so well and with passion.” He didn’t try hiding the sarcasm in his voice. “When will you ever get tired of living a shit like this?”
“I should ask you the same thing.”
I smiled despite the growing emptiness in my chest.
‘I fought for you, Alexis. I fought the whole world for you when you were still in my womb. But when you came out, I lost all the courage I had. I couldn’t even look at you. I was too embarrassed to be your mother.’
“That’s progress. Finally, you noticed how I’m living my life. Congratulations. That’s one step towards motherhood.”
I lowered my head to hide the tears in my eyes when I heard the pain in Alexis’ voice. Why do I feel like this? The main reason why I got drunk was to forget things even for a while. But it looked like all those wine bottles I finished weren’t helping.
“I never wanted to be a mother, Alexis,” I whispered. “I never wanted to be your mother.”
When I finally looked at him, a tiny, bitter smile crossed his face after a few seconds of silence between us.
“Great. Happy birthday to me. This is the best birthday of my life. It’s my first time chatting with you on a day like this. And those words were the first thing I heard from you. You really have no mercy, Miranda.”
And then Alexis walked away. My stomach churned as tears slid down my cheeks. “I didn’t want to be a mother because that role didn’t suit me, Alexis. I’m such a failure. You don’t deserve a failure like me, son.”
But of course, Alexis didn’t hear those words anymore.
Each time we meet, we always end up hurting each other. I stared at the stairway with regrets.
“Please forgive me, son.”

(Diana)
“IT’S just for today. Diana, please. It’s my birthday. I want your presence at the party to be your gift to me.”
I sighed while staring at Kurt who had been courting me for almost two years now. He started expressing his feelings after Yves died. I heard he was normal, that he didn’t have hearing problems.
But each time he was with me, I felt tempted to buy him a hearing aid. I had already turned him down many times but he was so stubborn.
I still try to talk to him politely but because of his sudden invitation today, I could not help but act cold towards him.