I think taking my sister's assurance was something I needed to do to keep me sane and be happy for Leo and his girl. She kind of still terrify me and give out negative energy but I am glad that she isn't coming any closer to me.

I and Leo occasionally talk when we see each other in school, although he had said that he wanted us to catch up and just do things like old times... not him spending the night in my room 'I don't have a death wish' like we all. My brother, Becca, my twin, and Chris since he will have to invite her.

Not going to lie, I am terrified of her and at the same time jealous of her stand in Leo's life. That would have been me if I had not stupidly chosen Chris over him and neglected what I felt for him then.

"Ugh!" I groaned then dropped my fork and folded my arms as I stare at my now cold food.

What bothers me the most is what happened with me and Chris some days ago, I have avoided talking with him whenever he came up to me. I wouldn't even give him the chance to say something and would just leave saying that I need to do something or be somewhere that wouldn't have us talking.

I really don't know what to say to him if he wants us to talk... about that night. It was a mistake? I thought he was someone else? Thought he was his cousin? Didn't know I fully made out with him while imagining his cousin in just his towel? In my room... at that hour of the night...

Now I don't want to be involved with any boys again, I just want to be invincible and stay out of sight of anyone.

I am back to being that confused sixteen-year-old who couldn't decipher her feelings and keeps getting confused over two equally good-looking guys.

I want to just stay in my room forever and never come out. Ugh!

"I think we would have to stop feeding you if you continue this way" I heard my twin say from behind me but I didn't bother turning to face her, just staring at the food that doesn't look appealing to me anymore.

She drew a chair and sat beside me then drew the food closer to her and covered it with another plate and I could feel her gaze on the side of my head.

"Still thinking about that? It's been over a week now" she tells me and I just sigh.

"I don't know, I wish I don't get affected by things as I do every time things turn out to be bad. I wish I could just let it go and just move on so that things can be at least better for me" I poured out what I have been feeling for a while.

"I am sorry that you are experiencing this but I do hope that things work out just like you want and if it doesn't then you will have the strength you need to pass through it and let go of it" she placed her hand over mine and I turned my head to look at her with a smile now displayed on my lips.

"Thank you"

"You are welcome, just forget about him for now and concentrate on being better at least you get your bestie back... it could be like old times if you want it to be," she told me and I nod.

"Maybe, I think I could do that" I let out a sigh and closed my eyes then let out another, opened my eyes, and smiled for real.

"I think I have an assignment to do, so I will get into that and forget about some things" I told her and she smiled too.

"Now that's better but first," she took her phone from her pocket, unlocked it, and handed it over to me "Chris wouldn't stop texting me, please answer him" she shook her head.

"I will don't worry" I handed her phone back to her the stood up from where I sat down.

"Please do it on time and will you be eating this? I don't want you to go back to not eating again, it was a really scary phase for us all and I don't want that happening again" I could hear the concern in her voice and it only made my smile wider.

"I am glad I have you guys as my family," I told her then went up the stairs.

"We are happy too and please when you come downstairs to eat something or I will have no choice but to use force" she warned and I chuckled and then entered my room.

"I better talk to Chris about this and keep whatever happened in the past" I muttered then went to my bed and picked up my phone from the bedside table before sitting down and going through my contacts to find Chris's name.

I remembered putting his name among my blacklisted contacts because I thought that would be the last, I would hear of him when he was out of the hospital and going to rehab then. I thought that I could cut the ties and just let it end like that but I guess he is meant to be part of my life for a really long time.

I went to my blacklisted contact location and removed his name from there then viewed his contact before taping the call button.

I placed my phone on my ear, closed my eyes, and held my breaths while it rang.

It didn't have to ring three times before I heard his deep manly voice sound from the other end of the phone.

"Hi," I let out the air I held then opened my eyes.

"I am glad that you decided to call me or is this your sister?" he asked and I smiled.

"It's me Chris and I am sorry for ignoring you these past days, I have just..." I paused and looked out my window with a frown on my forehead while I just let my words hang in the air.

I didn't know what to say to him yet than to just apologize for ignoring him. He deserved an explanation as to what happened that day. I was just to blame for actually messing things up all by myself.

"Just what?" he isn't going to just let it pass and not ask me that.

I sighed not knowing what to say and put my face in my palm and rub my cheeks.

"I am sorry for that night," I said after a moment.

"You regret it" he wasn't asking and he sounded pained.

"I'm sorry Chris... I didn't know it was you, thought it was--"

"Leo," he chuckled nastily "Yeah, it is always Leo, Leo, Leo... even when we were dating, I knew your whole heart wasn't with me, even after Leo left, it's like your soul and mind went with him, you never paid attention to me or tried to at least make things work between us" he sounded pained.

I am the cause, I am always the cause.

"It hurts Daniella, it does a lot... I know for the fact that I hurt you badly as we grew up and I apologized already, why can't you just forget about it and stop hurting me... I get that I might deserve all that you are throwing at me but it wasn't intentional, I didn't mean to hurt you, I had no choice and was still a kid then" he laments and I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

I heard him release a sigh then a groan.

"You have a choice and you are hurting me, Ella, you are hurting me. I might not deserve you or your love but you make me happy, I haven't experienced true happiness since I grew up with my dad who kept destroying me but you make me happy, can't you do that one thing for me?"

His voice was breaking while he said that and it brought more tears to my eyes and sobs to my lips.

"I'm sorry Chris" I managed to voice out in between sobs.

I really feel bad, it was true, I was really quick to throw him away when I found out about everything, I was mad at him but I should have understood and I didn't. I am at fault and I don't deserve anyone to be honest.

"I really want this pain to go away," he said and I stifled a sob whilst sniffling.

"I am so sorry Chris" was all I said before disconnecting the call and dropping my phone on my bed.

I lay my back on my soft bedcover then closed my eyes and tried to block out the conversation that we just had.

"GOD help me" I whispered before heading to dreamland.