"Dummy say what?" Elle said behind me so fast and I turned to look at her holding two takeaways before she sat in front of me.

"What?" I asked to know what she was saying and if she was referring to me.

She laughed then pushed one of them to me and opened hers.

"Don't worry, I know you are" she said then moved her face close to her food to inhale before digging in.

"I'm not a dummy, I heard what you said" I let her know.

"Thank GOD that you aren't that slow" she rolled her eyes while I shook my head.

"You're annoying" I commented and she blew me a kiss to which made her cough a bit, probably had pepper in her throat while she ate.

"You wouldn't have me any other way" she shrugged and I just let out a sigh.

We were in one of the restaurants closer to school so it would be way easier to get in before our next lecture begins. I didn't want to have to rush up to look for a quick transport to get me to school when we could just dine in a closer place.

"Can I get one of your meats?" I asked as I stared at the shaki in my plate.

I do appreciate the orisirisi in soups and stew but at the moment, I'd rather have just beef or maybe fish and ponmo.

A furrow graced her brows as she looks up at me then to her plate, back to me and then my plate.

"I will take all the orisirisi and you can take one of my meat and half of my fish" she said while still looking at my plate and I agreed on it.

I wasn't feeling like eating any of these at the moment.

She took all the orisirisi from my plate and gave me what she promised which I happily ate.

"You eat the food before the meat, iru omode" she muttered then continued her eating while I ignored her comment.

I know that she is just pulling my legs, nothing more.

"I met with Chris on my way" she began and I paused from taking the spoon of rice into my mouth as I stared at her, she wasn't even looking up at me to see my reaction to what she just said.

"He wanted to come with me so that you both can talk but was not sure if you would even let him settle down before he thinks of mentioning his purpose of coming" she shrugged and I felt bad with a bit of relief.

Bad that I didn't even give him a chance for us to talk about what happened that night and relief that I wouldn't have to leave my food because I am not ready to speak with him.

I continued my eating when it dawned on me.

"Wait Elle, you said you met him on your way from getting our food over the counter there, so that means that he is around here" I said and resist the urge to look around for fear that our eyes might meet.

"See, not so slow" she comments and continued with her eating "He is looking at you though, but I'd advise that you give yourselves the chance to talk about it else you'd be running from what is not chasing you" she shrugged and focused on her food.

Do I have to face this again? Like come on, it's been a little over some years when we three had been in this unbroken triangle and up till now we are still there, but in this case, I could say a rectangle, if we add Amara inside.

Even if I talk about what happened that night, I don't know what to say or what excuse to give to cover up what I did and why I did it. He would be so hurt if he knew I thought of Leo while I kissed him.

I don't know how to face him properly without feeling ashamed of myself... but why should I feel ashamed? It was an honest mistake, I didn't even know he brought me home neither did I remember asking him to take me home but why would I have imagined Leo?

Would I have let Leo cheat on his estranged girlfriend because I suddenly want to be with him? Never, I wouldn't want that. That is so not me and no matter how much I lo-like him, I will never let him do such to his girl.

"Even if I gave him audience, what do I say to him? 'Oh, hey there Chris, sorry about that night, I thought of your cousin looking so inviting in that towel when I kissed you' I don't think I can do that to him" I said remembering when he called me and cried on the phone for my love.

"Well, you can tell him that or anything he wants to say because he is about a foot away from us. Hi, Chris" she said smiling brightly to someone behind me.

My heart stopped for some seconds and chills went through my spine when I heard that deep voice of Chris says behind me "Hey Elle" he greets and sat beside me.

Seems to me that they are comfortable with each other since he used her nickname. Betrayer! I glared at my twin who shrugged as she ate her food.

I tried to keep calm and not allow my nerves get the best of me as I held unto my spoon for dear life. I could feel his intense gaze on the side of my head and I so wished my legs could carry me away from here so I can run as fast as I can but I couldn't because they felt weak all of a sudden.

"Hi Ella" he said. I just nod my head as I tried not to look at him because that might be my last straw if I do. I don't even know what I want anymore.

"H-hi Chris" I took a quick glance then stared at my food like it was the most interesting thing to do today.

He didn't say anything but I could still feel him stare at me, I wanted to see the look he has on his face as he stared at me but that would be a risk I would be taking. There isn't any doubt that a little part of me still likes him even after all these madness going on.

"I think I will leave you guys to talk, see you around Chris and don't make her cry. Leo still owes me long talk for making her come home that way" my twin said and I looked at her trying to give her the eye not to leave me alone with him but she had already turned and was leaving the table.

That girl!

"Your sister knows we have to talk, so are you ready for it or you still want to keep playing hide and seek with me?" he asked and I swallowed.

He's right, we have to talk but I don't want to because... I don't know, I don't want to hurt him or myself or anyone. I have been pretty much doing so with all these that happened, it's all because of me.

I heard him sigh "Look here Daniella, I understand that we all had history when we were still in secondary school and were clueless teenagers who were messed with because of some psycho, no offense" he said the last part sarcastically.

I still didn't look at him, my eyes stayed glued to my plates.

"We are adults now and although things haven't been really well since we are all still learning to heal but we are adults. We can't keep running from our problems, we have to face them and sort it out as adults. Talk them out, make things clear and also take responsibility for our actions"

That made me look at him. I could see a pained look on his face and how much he is trying so hard to just hold on. Am I really hurting him as he said to me on the phone. He looks like the Chris I heard on the phone begging me to just love him and without any thought of his cousin.

"I'm sorry" was what I could say because I truly am. I don't want to hurt anyone but I somehow found myself doing so.

I saw anger flash through his eyes before they were gone in matter of seconds.

"You regret what you did" he didn't ask. Not here Chris, not here.

"Chris..."

"Let me guess, he was the one you thought of when you kissed me? You had him in mind?" he chuckled nastily then shook his head. "What does he have that I don't?" he asked me and I shook my head and I pleaded with my eyes for him to not start this.

I wasn't ready for any drama, not now not ever. I want him to stop so that we can go over with what has been done and leave that as it is.

"Chris... not here"

"Where then?" he rose his voice a bit and got the attention of a few students but they went back to their eating when I gave them apologizing looks. "Daniella, I am tired, tired of walking in my cousin's shadow, tired of being second in most of the things, I am so tired" he said bitterly.

"I do know that my father did some bad stuffs and pulled me into it but I said I was sorry, I will keep apologizing till forever, I just want to be loved, is that too much to ask?" he asked and I just stared at him.

'It's not that easy Chris' I wanted to say but I bet it will get him angry so I just kept it to myself. I get that he might be feeling all these but... I can't just lead him on, it will get messy and I don't want anything that will make me go fully mad.

"Chris, I don't think I understand how you're feeling but I can't give you what you want" I took his hand in mine "I can only offer you friendship now" I said.

He was about to say something so I beat him to it "And its not because of Leo, Leo has nothing to do with all these. I am just confused as I have been since I was a teenager and I want to sort out what I am feeling, promising you that we will be together will be selfish and inconsiderate of me"

He looks defeated as he looks down on our hands.

"Please try to understand" I wanted to say I might not give Leo a chance if he came but I knew better than that. "Let us just stay on a platonic level"

He let out a sigh then looks at me before nodding his head.

"Okay, fine. Just know I love you and you're the first girl that I ever loved" he said then kissed my cheeks before standing up to leave "I'll see you later" he waves and left my table.

That was... something. I tried to calm my racing heart as I lean back on my chair.

"It was nothing just a kiss on the cheek, a friendly kiss on the cheek" I whispered to myself then looked to my right when I felt someone look at me.

I saw the back of the person walking away and I just let out a sigh. I can't deal with him now, I can't. I shook my head.

***

Orisirisi – its different sections of the cow like kidney, liver, intestine, leg, stomach etc.

Ponmo – is cow skin.

Iru omode – it means small child or someone is behaving like a child.