"Nothing happened mama. I'm just thinking like any matured person would do. Dad is getting old and he couldn't do all the work by himself.. I don't have a brother to take care of him and his business so, I had to do something right? I was immature back then, so I used to do those silly things. I'm a grown up woman now mama.. as for Midhya's last wish... it needs approval from both parties... I know Arjun would never agree to marry again... at least not now... not me. So I said yes to her. As for baby... we're all here right? You could always take care of her and Arjun can hire a nanny for the baby" I said wishing that she would drop the topic.
"What if he agrees to marry you, Veni?" She asked the question I've been avoiding to answer to myself.
"I... I can't break my promise mama, if he wants to marry me... I've no other choice but to marry him for the baby" I said thinking of the possibilities to avoid that kind of situation.
He would never marry anyone.
"What if-" an ear piercing cry cut off whatever she was about to say. She reached the cradle almost immediately cooing the baby.
I wish I had that motherly instincts in me. I wish I had a great heart to care for her. I wish I could leave this bitter feeling and start to love my sister's baby... she never done anything wrong to me. But I was too selfish to take a step towards the things that could hurt me in the future.
You're selfish a small voice reminded me.
There is nothing wrong in self-preservation is my answer.
Just look at her, how could you not love her?
How could you not want to hold her?
How -
I do okay? I do want to hold her and shower her with all the love in the world... but her father doesn't want me anywhere near her for some unknown reason.
"Veni, come sit near us... little Aadhya needs her lovely aunt to hold her.. hospital encounter doesn't count" some said still cooing the baby.
"Mom... I've to send a few important mails and -" she cut me off saying "Veni" she said daring me to defy her. Knowing there is no other choice I sat beside her sighing, while she was changing Aadhya's nappy.
"Here hold her while I go prepare her a bottle of milk" she said handing the baby to me.
I was surprised how tiny she looks in my arms with those small hands and legs. She wriggled in my hands as if demanding all my attention to her.
The time paused when my eyes met her doe eyes, that was the moment I fell in love with her.
I fell in love with her without me knowing it.
I slowly started tracing my fingers on her soft cheeks, caressing both the cheeks as if she was the most fragile thing I'd ever seen. Her cute pink lips stretched as if she was smiling at me.
That was the most beautiful smile I've ever seen.
"Oh I know she will make you fall in love with her" mama's voice pulled me out of the trance "she has that effect on people. I'm sure Arjun would scare each and every boy who wants to date her" mama said adoring the little angel in my hands.
"Here, let me feed her" mama said taking Aadhya from my hands. My hands tightened around her fragile body, like they have their own mind which shocked me more than anything.
This can't be! I can't get attached to her. She is better off without me. Placing a small kiss on her forehead I passed her to mama.
I need to get out of here immediately! It's not good for any of us. I was about to stand, a strong grip around my forefinger stopped me. I glanced down to see Aadhya holding my finger in her small hand. The little gesture broke my heart.
"Stay Veni, she loves you already" mama said feeding the baby.
"Mama I've some important work to take care... I'll be back in an hour" I said gently pulling my hand back.
A small sob escaped from Aadhya's lips which immediately turns into endless cries until my mom handed her to me, until I started rubbing her back hugging her to my chest. Her sobs subsided almost immediately. Mama taught me exactly how to hold her while feeding and how to burp her. I was surprised at how careful we should be around an infant. Every little thing matters.
I started cooing her, playing with her little fingers. I don't know when time passed... but I'm still at the same place where my mom left me alone with Aadhya a few hours ago. I couldn't take my eyes off the beautiful angel sleeping in my lap. Who could resist her ? Not me. I wish.....
The doorbell rang pulling me out of the Aadhya's spell. Mama answered the door and walked towards me followed by Arjun.
He went to office for the first time after one month. From what I heard today he has an important meeting which he couldn't cancel anymore. I wonder how his company managed for one month without him.
He look troubled. The dark circles under his eyes are evident.. his eyes were now red... cold... hard. His jaw clenched at the sight of me and Aadhya in my lap. He closed his eyes for a moment taking deep breaths.
"I'll appoint a nanny for my daughter tomorrow" he said emphasising my while taking the sleeping baby with him.
That's what I exactly want.... right? But why do I feel so empty? Why the hell I want to go and demand Arjun to give her back to me?
This means....
Am I ready to be her mother?
I need to get out of here!
Stay far away from her.