And then there was Greta who would surely visit to personally take the USB file for the manuscript which I hadn’t even revised yet. She was also expecting that I’d submit another novel which had something to do with her collaboration series with her co-writers.
Greta had already given me the details about the series but I hadn’t written anything yet.
Jeremiah also called me a few times but I was afraid to answer. I had lost the guts to keep faking a smile in front of him, to keep pretending that I’m doing fine. For the past eight years, I’ve never ran away from my responsibilities. It would be so shameless of me to run after inflicting so much trouble to my family that’s why I tried so hard to face everything head-on.
But no, I no longer have any courage to go on. I could feel the weariness even in my bones.
All it would take was just one jump and my misery would have ended. But when I remembered Demi’s innocent eyes, I couldn’t force myself to jump.
Before I knew it, I found myself in front of the auditorium for her school program.
After a while, I tried to smile so Jasper wouldn’t worry anymore. I patted his shoulder.
“What? Did you think I’d go somewhere and kill myself?” I asked, smiling. “Nah. There are things that you can’t do anymore once you’ve become a parent, Jas.”
“Like what?”
“Like giving up.”
Both of us fell silence when we saw Demi stand in front of the podium. The little girl looked at me. Last week, she informed me that she won an award in the essay writing contest. And today was their awarding ceremony.
Demi hid the theme of the essay from me. Instead, she made me promise to watch her so I could find out what the essay was about.
“Our teacher told us to write an essay about our mothers. And I really wanted to win this competition so badly because even if there’s no special occasion, I still want to give my mom something to cheer her up. But I don’t have money to buy a gift. And if I were to have money, Mama wouldn’t like it if I buy her something,” Demi confessed. “She’d like it more I’d buy something for myself instead. That’s why I thought this would be the perfect gift since this is something I know she’d accept. I also wanted to tell my Mama something. Mama, this is for you.”
‘Thank you, sweetheart,’ I mouthed.
The truth is… I’d already been receiving lots of gifts from Demi. Whenever she’d achieve something academically, she’d always dedicate her awards to me.
Demi was special not only because she was my daughter but because her level of understanding was deeper and broader than the rest of the kids her age that’s why she was accelerated twice and at seven, she was already in her fourth grade.
Without my daughter’s encouraging smile, it would have been so easy to give up on living life.
Demi smiled sweetly and said, “Mama was my first in everything. She was the first superhero I looked up to. She was my first teacher who taught me to appreciate everything that has life. She was the first one who taught my heart how to love because she loves me so much. She was also my first nurse, my first guide when it comes to directions, my first supporter, my first fan, and my first best friend.”
My eyes watered.
“But of course, nobody is perfect. My mama, like any other, has flaws, too. First, she’s forgetful. She remembers to nurse a scrap on my knee, but forgets to attend to her own wounds. She remembers to make me eat on time and make me take my vitamins on time, but forgets that she needs to take care of herself, too. She scolds my uncle for sleeping late at night, but forgets she needed some sleep, too. Because she overworks herself in order to feed us.
“Second, she lies, almost all the time. She lies about not being hungry, and would give me the last bread even if it’s her favorite, too. But I would eat the bread nevertheless, because she only smiles so beautifully each time she sees me full. She lies about not being tired. She lies that she’s okay even if I catch her crying all by herself when I happen to wake up in the middle of the night. She would reason out that it’s the dust in the wind that gets in her eyes.”
Demi’s voice broke. Her nose and cheeks had turned red, a sign that she was about to cry any minute.
“She forgets that there’s no wind. Because she closes the window at night.”
“Oh, God,” I uttered while crying.
“Lastly, she doesn’t share. She never shares her problems. She wakes up and smiles so sweetly at me every morning as if she didn’t cry the night before that. And I want her to know that I may be too young to understand what troubles her, but she could cry in front of me so I could hug her. She could cry and I would still think that she’s the best mother in the world because she did her best in raising me even if it’s hard. She’s the reason why I go to bed happy because she kisses my forehead and whisper just how much she loves me. She makes me feel safe and loved that’s why I love her too, so much.”
Demi’s tears fell when she turned to my direction. “Mama, hush. It’s all right.”
Those were the same words I tell her each time she was struggling to control her powers.
“You did your best. I’m proud of you. And I love you.”
After Demi’s speech, silence filled the entire auditorium but after some time, everyone gave my daughter a standing ovation. I even heard some of the parents’ cry.