There were about a hundred soldiers deployed to kill me and the mortals tonight. I raised my hands and, in an instant, the arrows they were using went back to them. They all fell on the ground, kneeling. My subordinates took care of the rest of the soldiers.
“Go ahead and raise your bows. But I’m telling you, the next arrows will hit your heart. You have no shame, soldiers!” I screamed. “Was that what you learned from me? To kill?”
There was one soldier who laughed all of a sudden. He looked in pain, but he didn’t stop laughing his heart out.
“No, my king. You taught us better than that,” he replied sarcastically. “You taught us that when you kill, you should show no mercy, that you should enjoy killing now and just regret later. That was what you did eight years ago when you spared no one, took the hearts of our loved ones, and crushed them right before our very eyes!
“You told us that we fight the rebels for peace and for our family, that every civilian must be protected and must be treated like members of our family. But now that we’ve lost our families because of you, who else would we fight for?” His voice cracked. “What right do you have to show your disappointment to us?!”
The soldier smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Or did we disappoint you for killing this way? Maybe we should have been more cruel so you can be proud of us. Watch us all become like you, my king.”
When the wind blew, the number of soldiers had increased. They started releasing arrows in all directions.
I felt like something inside me had snapped especially after seeing how the humans died. Most of my subordinates had also fallen.
I could no longer hear them breathing. As much as possible, I try to avoid fighting when my mind and heart were unstable. After hearing what my previous students had gone through, I didn’t want to use my own strength against them. We were one, we were all victims here.
We ought to be handling things as one. But no matter how I try to control myself, I can’t stop this growing pain inside me.
My heart was also clouded with too much hatred that before I even knew it, the fire, water, wind and earth dragon marks in my wrist all moved. I acquired those marks after my family gave me more than half of their magic.
In a blink of an eye, all the swords of the soldiers were cut in half. Suddenly, there were different colors of lightning that filled the sky, but could only be seen by the supernatural beings. The only reason why the lightning bolts from the council were able to damage me in the past was because I was exhausted from all the magic Crono let out while using my body.
The lightning had hit the soldiers. When they trembled and fell, only then did I stop punishing them. However, the rebellion I feel in my chest remained. The marks on my wrist continued to move. The dragons felt my anxiety. They were as troubled as me.
I feel torn. I wasn’t sure what to feel. Should I blame myself for what happened to my former students? Or should I blame them for thinking so little of me, for completely believing that I could commit such a grave sin to our own people?
I took a sharp breath. I didn’t know that even breathing could be this painful.
“For blaming me for what happened in the past, I can still endure it. But making me the reason why your lives had turned that way? That’s too much! You had a choice whether to kill or not. And you all chose to do this. You chose to ruin your lives! I didn’t make that decision for you. You all did!”
I cussed and clutched my chest. “How could you easily believe that I could become a monster in just a snap of a finger and kill everyone? Didn’t it ever cross your minds how absurd that sounded?”
I was never given the chance to speak up for myself, because the entire kingdom had already judged me. Now that I was finally doing it, I could no longer stop the words from spilling out.
“Damn it, soldiers! We had been together for years! Did I ever mistreat you? Yes, you were hurt but what about me? You only saw what the enemy wanted you to see. But you have no idea about the truth. We were family! You all know that. You also know that I would risk my life over and over just to protect my subordinates.” I laughed but it sounded empty even in my own ears. “And I hate myself so much for failing to change because here I am tonight, still trying to keep you all alive when none of you would even hesitate to drive a dagger in my heart!”
I laughed as tears rolled my cheeks. After eight years, here I was, feeling so pathetic again. “Because all I could do is seal your magic to make sure that you wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone again, that you wouldn’t be able to destroy yourselves so much.”
I could have sealed their magic a long time ago but only the king has the right to do it to punish his men. I no longer have the right to do that.
The soldiers were no longer mine to be disciplined. Besides, magic and strength had always been the pride of the Armethians. For so long, I had let them strip off everything I had including the last bit of my pride just to be able to maintain theirs because I was overpowered by guilt.
The soldiers fell silent. But just like me, I could see how their eyes watered as well.
After a while, I started coughing up blood from the effect of the poison in their arrows.