“By doing this, you are making your Mommy and Daddy sad, don’t you know that? Remember, not everyone, not every Armethian still has their parents by their side. You should feel blessed that you still have yours. That one was taught by my Uncle.”
“You are not supposed to invade my privacy and to meddle with these kind of things. Don’t you know that it’s bad manners, too?” I told the kid as I tried to be as calm as possible even if my blood pressure was rising. I don’t know why I could never be mad or annoyed with this kid. No child in Arameth had ever looked and talked to me this way. But this kid had quite the courage considering that she was new in my realm.
Dad raised his voice. “You are not in the position to teach me about bad manners, Alex. You started this first!”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake! I am not referring to you!” I wanted to smash something out of the growing frustration inside me. “You wouldn’t understand anyway, Dad. So, let’s just stop talking!”
“No. We are not done talking yet, Alexandros. You can’t leave just like that. You are about to get married in a few weeks’ time. The Council members should not see you just loitering around.”
“I heard from your butler that you don’t have a schedule outside the Castle today and for the following days to come,” Dad said.
“And now you even know my schedule, too?” I grunted.
“Come on, Mister Sormont,” the noisy kid meddled again. “I don’t know what’s going on but you have to at least, tell your Daddy the truth. He had to know so he would not worry anymore… so he would not get hurt for feeling like you are taking him for granted.”
Dad was the one who was taking me for granted. I would have said that had I not seen how pain crossed his eyes. “I… I just want to be away for a while, Dad. I want to explore on my own.” There. I finally said it.
I could always choose to ignore the little girl. After all, the things she said were more than just a proof that she really was not one of my ancestors. The ancestor would never nag me the way she did. But I felt like I could fail myself, but not this kid. I did not have the heart to do it. I can’t explain why I want to remain a good person in her eyes even if it was so difficult to remain good in this situation.
“I’ve been busy all my life. You know that. For once, I want to just try sleeping in the carriage, to admire some of the views around this place that I never got to do before, to run at the first forest that I would get to see, watch the sunrise or sunset near the sea, maybe chase the fog tomorrow morning when I wake up, gaze at the stars, or at least feel the wind in my hair. I want to wake up without any plans at all. I want to try how to just let things unfold. I feel so suffocated, Dad. I can’t breathe in this place anymore. For the first time in my life, I… I want to feel alive. I want to decide something for myself. I want to do something without anyone dictating me about this and that,” I added in a stern voice. “Just for today, I don’t want to be controlled by you, by the Council, and by anyone else. And I don’t care even if the council see me do those things.
“I don’t see any wrong by doing this anyway. There is nothing wrong in desiring for a little change in my tedious life. I have never asked you and Mom for anything before, Dad, just this. Rest assured, I would not do something that would affect my position, the royal family, and your secrets. So, please, just let me be, for crying out loud!”
“Alexandros, calm down-“
“I can’t! Clavia is pregnant, Dad.”
My parents gasped.
“And do you know what else she said to me? She said she was hoping that our future child would grow up like me.” I laughed, but it sounded so damn empty in my ears. “You know what the funny thing is? I’m considered as one of the most intelligent Armethians in my generation. But I couldn’t understand what she said. Because I don’t know what she’s talking about.”
I patted my chest loudly. “I don’t know who I am anymore, Dad. Aside from being a pretender, I don’t know anything else about myself. But I want to finally get to know the man that I see every time I look in the mirror so I could at least tell something about him to my future child. I want to be certain about myself when my child asks who I am someday. I’ve been trying so hard to fulfill your dreams that I’ve forgotten how to have a dream of my own. That’s why I beg you, give me this break. Give me even just a few more days. Give me a moment to think about this and to just… breathe. I will be back on the day of my wedding, I promise.”
Dad did not respond, but he took his hand off my arm. I have never spoken to him this long in my life. I have never rebelled before because I was afraid to hurt his feelings. But today, I was more afraid of going berserk. I was more afraid of exploding if I continue to keep it all to myself.
“Thank you for understanding,” I told my parents when they remained too stunned to speak. After a while, Dad gave way.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered as Mom sobbed quietly in one corner.
I did not say anything and just continued to walk away.