Writing it also meant falling in love with Alexandros all over again only to let him go again. It meant meeting my past self and regretting some of the things I had said and did.
That’s why many times, throughout the writing process, I had to stop for a minute to calm myself and to remind myself to take a deep breath.
Writing our story had an advantage, too. It made me get to know myself better. I began to understand the past version of myself. I began to learn from the younger version of myself that led me to the woman that I was now.
I could now see the important details that Greta’s editor pointed out. Maybe because my head was clearer now. There were no more complicated characters and no more messy outline. I also altered the names of the characters and used my and Alexandros’ real name as well since we were the owners of the story.
I had failed to justify the hero’s characteristics in the past because I had also failed to get to know the true Alexandros Sormont. But I knew him enough now the exact same way that I know herself. I had to break my heart many times while writing that novel. But every heartache and every tear I spent was worth it.
“I had already finished the story you requested, Xandros. But this will be the last story that I will write about you… about us.”
Now that I was done writing, I thought I would have an emotional breakdown again. Surprisingly, I was calmed enough at this moment. In fact, I felt relieved, like there was this massive stone inside my chest that I was able to take out.
Putting the end and finally acknowledging it had helped me achieve the healing that I had been searching for.
After a while, I stood up and stared at my reflection in the mirror. I caressed the reflection that I saw staring back at me. A slow smile curved my lips.
The woman in the mirror had a different glow in her eyes now, the kind of glow that I didn’t know would be possible to have again. Just when U thought that I had lost my sparkle, God acted in my life once more and showed me how amazing He was.
After the book swallowed me before, I found myself lying in a hospital bed. According to my brother, they searched for me for a month. And just when they were about to lose hope, they suddenly found me lying unconscious in front of our house with a book in my hand. They were worried that’s why they brought me to the hospital.
When I woke up, the book my brother was talking about had already disappeared. I was sure that it was now in the hands of another person to give him or her a lesson and an adventure he or she would never forget.
And then I saw my… mother who looked worried about me. She said that she woke up a week after I suddenly went missing. Beside her stood an old man who introduced himself to me as my biological father.
My mother and Jeremiah’s mother were the best of friends that’s why they knew my mother’s story. I was told that Jeremiah hired a private investigator to search for my father and it took them years to find him.
I never knew my biological father. I didn’t know his name and I didn’t see even a small photo of him. My mom said I didn’t have to know him since I already had an Uncle Sam. My stepfather was the only father figure that I knew. I thought that maybe mom was still hurting that’s why I tried not to probe any further. She said that the less I know, the better.
But there was this little part of me who wished to know what my real father looked like. I wondered what it would be like to see him. And my curiosity had been filled when I saw him for the first time.
It turned out that he was a business magnate. He and mom were classmates during their college days. They were about to graduate when he got mom pregnant. But my father was the sole heir of a certain corporation. His uncle was only managing it for him until the time that he was ready to take over since his mother was already dead and his father had an illness and was staying in England that’s why he was afraid to tell them about mom, about me.
And when Grandpa’s condition had worsened, dad had no choice but to leave for England. He had never returned since then.
‘I’m sorry. I know I was wrong to leave your mother at that time. I was young, immature, and afraid. That was my only excuse. But I strived to be the better version of me while thinking of you and your mother, Alison. I told myself that I needed to be successful, that I needed to work hard that’s why when Papa died, I strived to be the best. And I believed I succeeded.
‘After two years, I came back to the Philippines with a plan to make it up to you and your mother. I wanted to marry her then. But I found out that she was already married to someone else. I was devastated, and at the same time, embarrassed. I wanted to introduce myself to you but I was afraid that I would only complicate your life.’
Those were Dad’s explanation. I could still remember every word until now.
After a few years, Dad had built a family of his own. I also found out that I had a half-sister whose name was Jasmine. I had already met her and she was nice. We instantly got along together despite our eight-year age difference. She and Jasper also hit it off when they met and even Demi liked her.