"Hi Pops," Timmy hailed as he swaggered into the large parlour shirtless and wearing a sagging pair of jean trousers.
His father watched him with a half sneer as he swaggered over to a sofa and jumped on it, a bottle of soft drink in one hand and a sandwich in the other.
"Young man, come here," his father called and pointed to a spot in front of him. Timmy took his time getting up and swaggered his way to the spot his father had indicated. The middle aged real estate mogul pushed his glasses down his nose and stared his son up and down.
"What's haipops?"
Timmy shrugged carelessly and took a large bite of his sandwich before answering. "Exactly what it means, Pops," he said with his mouth full.
"So it was a sin for me to send you to America with my hard-earned money and you come back here to speak rubbish to..."
"Come on, Pops. What are you saying? Just chill, man. Chill."
"Okay," his father sighed. "We will all chill. Just go and call your mother for me."
"'Kay, Pops." And he swaggered out of the parlour to go hunt down his Mom.
Few minutes later, Mrs. Elendu walked in. "Chief, you called me?"
"Rebecca, sit down," her husband said, pointing to a spot beside him on the sofa he was occupying.
When she had seated herself, she turned to face him. "What is it, Chief? You look worried."
"How won't I be worried, eh Rebecca? How won't I be worried when my son... my only son is behaving like a madman that recently escaped from a psychiatric hospital?"
"God forbid! Ch..."
"What is God forbidding? Don't you see the way he behaves?"
"But that does not call for such words na. Please be careful, Chief. Like you said, he's your only son. God knows I'm too old to produce another one."
"Then maybe I should start thinking of getting someone else who can still produce one or more."
"Ah ah, Chief! What kind of statement is that? If it's a joke, please stop it."
"My dear, it's not a joke o. This is a very serious matter. I sent this son of yours to America, so he can live in a better country and have good education, but instead he went to acquire madness."
"Chief, ..."
"Don't Chief me!", he shouted, slamming his walking stick on the ground. "Don't you notice his behavior? What are you doing about it?"
"I've been talking to him and trying..."
"Trying? I'm not interested in trying! Go and look for a powerful dibia to extract that craze from his head immediately before he ends up naked in the marketplace."
"But Chief, it has not come to that na."
"Yes! It has come to that. In fact, it has come to more than that!"
"Please wait. Just calm down. I have a suggestion."
"What suggestion?", he asked in a harsh tone, turning sharply to her.
"You remember your friend, Donatus, who..."
"What about him?"
"Let us send Timothy there as an apprentice. Between Dona's busy lifestyle and the toughness of Lagos, he will change in a few months."
"Are you sure that Dona can cure this kind of madness?"
"I'm sure it will work, Chief. The problem is that he does not have any work to do to..."
"And whose fault is that?", he demanded, turning angry accusing eyes on her.
"Ehh Chief, let us leave the blame ownership for another day. Like I was saying, when he has enough work on his hands, he will behave. He will even learn some things there that will improve his life. Instead of looking for job, you can open a business for him when he finishes at Dona's."
"Hmmm. We will try it. For his sake, I hope it will work, otherwise one day I will beat him until he would not be able to recognize me as his father."
"I'm sure it will work," she assured again, flashing him a winning smile. "Don't worry, everything will be okay."
"Hmm."
"Chief Chief," she hailed patronizingly. "The most handsome Chief in the world. The most sophisticated Chief in the Universe. Smile small na."
He hissed and turned his face away.
"Okay o," she sighed as she got to her feet. "Since you don't want to smile, it seems you are angry. That means you'll not be hungry for the rest of the day."
"It looks as if you have saved enough transport fare that will take you to your father's house," Chief fired back instantly.
"No o. I will sell all your properties and use the money to pay for my transport. Don't worry, I'll leave one shirt and two trousers for you. At least, that was the only property you had when I agreed to marry you."
He glared at her with all the anger he could muster and then got up and walked away without saying a word.

***

"Timmy!", Rebecca called for the fourth time in thirty seconds. She could hear her husband's angry murmurs, but she chose to ignore them, and called her son for the fifth time.
"Timmy!"
"Yo, Momma. Wadup?", a shirtless Timmy hailed as he made his way down the stairs with the waistline of his trousers halfway down his buttocks. The three older people watched; one in disgust, one in exasperation and the other in curiosity as the young man swaggered his way down the stairs.
"Where have you been? I've been calling your name for how many hours now."
"For real? Well, I gotta tell ya, you should get an award for patience."
"Timothy, co..."
"Who's the dude?", Timmy interrupted, nodding towards the visitor as he swaggered over to a sofa.
"He's not a dood," Rebecca clarified. "His name is Do... Uncle Donatus. He's..."
"Donuts? Damn, dude! What a yummy name you got!"
"Donatus, Timmy. Do.. na.. toos."
"Oh."
"Yes. He's your father's friend. He's here to take you to Lagos."
"Lagos? For what?"
"On holiday and sightseeing. The last time you went to Lagos, you were very little. It's even more beautiful now."
"Yeah? Ain't that something! But what about the old man, he's got no problems with this?"
"That's rude, Timmy," Rebecca scolded. "Your father is right here. Don't talk about him like he's not."
"Yo Pops," Timmy hailed his furious-looking father, smiling and winking at him.
"Like I was saying," Rebecca quickly put in, not sure how long her husband's temper would remain chained, "Uncle Donatus is here to take you to Lagos, so go and get dressed. I've already packed what you'll need."
"What! Now?"
"Yes, Timmy. He's in a hurry to get back to Lagos as soon as possible."
"Damn, Mama. Rush-rush ain't my style, ya know," he grumbled as he got to his feet reluctantly.
"Yes, I know. But this is a rare opportunity. You can't find anyone else like Donatus who's capable of showing you around all the beautiful places in Lagos."
"Okay. But it's just for you, Mama. Rush-rush ain't my style but I'll do anything for you. You know that, right?"
"Yes, my dear. Just go and get dressed."

***

It was like a wake keeping as they all awaited the return of Timothy. Everyone was silent, but Rebecca could see that her husband was fighting hard to bottle up his anger. She would have loved to encourage him, but that might just be the ember that would spur the gasoline into explosive action. Timmy was the direct cause of all this tension and she hoped his father would be able to hold it together until after he leaves. But Timmy himself was not helping matters.
At the moment, he was dancing down the stairs with a headset, baggy shirt, sagging trousers and tennis shoes.
"Yo, Mama! I'm ready to hit Lagos! Just check me out. How do I look?"
He pranced about, made several poses and ended with a dab right in front of his disgusted father.
"What do you think, huh?"
"Very nice, Timmy," Rebecca smiled, quickly grabbing his arm and pulling him to her side before he would end up triggering an explosion. Then she led him out of the house into the parking space. Donatus got up and followed them while Chief Elendu took up the rear.
"I'ma be a superstar, Mama. I'ma buy you a chopper and a Rolls Royce for the old man. Yo, Donuts, what'd you like me to buy for you? I'ma buy a plaza for Dora and a fucking stiletto for Trace!"
"Hey Timmy, listen to me," Rebecca drew his attention as they reached Donatus' car. "For your own good, be respectful to your father's friend. Anything he tells you to do, do it. Don't argue! If you behave well, umm... you know, everything will be alright."
"Don't you worry, Mama. I'll do anything for you."
To her surprise, he kissed her on both cheeks and ran over to his father with open arms.
"Gonna miss you, Poppykins!"
But before he could get near enough for a hug, Chief raised his walking stick, prepared to club him over the head with it. Timmy got the signal in time and came to a halt. He smiled and then winked.
"I'll be back before you know it, Pops."
"Only when you're sane or I'll beat you to death," Chief retorted in Igbo.
"What's he say, Mama?"
"He wishes you a safe journey and happy sightseeing," Rebecca quickly said, grabbing his arm and pulling him away from danger zone.
Donatus had taken his place in the driver seat of his car and she opened the (front) passenger side and pushed Timmy inside. When she had closed the door and received another set of kisses, Chief walked to the window of the driver side.
"Dona, listen to me," he said to his friend in Igbo. "Don't spare him. Forget that he's my son. If he gives you trouble, beat him mercilessly..."
"Ah Chief!", Rebecca exclaimed.
"Mechonu there!", he ordered, effectively silencing her. After fixing her with an angry glare, he turned to his friend again and continued in Igbo, "Like I was saying, if he gives you trouble, beat him till he faints. I'll pay for the hospital bills. Safe journey, my friend."
"No problem. Thank you, Chief." Dona nodded his goodbye to the couple and drove off with his charge who was still chattering various versions of goodbye to his waving mother and glaring father.