Chapter 1 Arthur’s Story Guinevere, my love, my soul mate... My absolute pain in the arse. They say behind every great man there is an even greater woman... Yup, whoever said that was obviously in his wife’s bad book too. I mean, I’m never out of Guinevere’s bad book. She may as well be writing a fucking novel. It must have a contents page that reads like a parts manual for one of those fancy new trebuchets. You would think being King would mean that I had the power to do what you want, when I want. If I wanted to have a dump in peace, then I should be able to ferment in the smell. But no, as soon as the turd hits the moat water, I’m up and out, making sure not to use her hand towel. Guinevere wears the crown. She might lend it to me while walking around Cameltoe town. But in the castle... She’s the boss. Still I crave for Guinevere. I’m currently lying on the bed, naked like a turkey waiting to be basted. I had both beards trimmed and my best crown tilted to left, just as she likes it. The royal standard was flying full mast. His majesty was in residence and ready to rock his kingdom. Wearing a smile I watched the bed drapes part as the naked Guinevere knelt on to the mink bedspread. As she reached over me her tits swung like a heifer’s udders. Like a dog waiting to be patted, I arched my neck allowing my eyes to follow the woman I doted. “It’s good to know we still have it, my love?” “What on earth are you on about, Arty?” “I’m ready to pillage your pussy.” My heart thumped away like a March hare while Guinevere straddled my thighs. I reached down and held my stiff cock, brushing it against her tight curls. “Open the gates, or no mercy will be given.” Guinevere reached under her pillow and pulled out her night robe from under her pillow. “Come on, put Excalibur away.” “Why? It’s been so long I’m not sure the crown jewels still work.” “I’m trying to get ready for the jester... but I can’t find my special knickers.” That hurt. I know Guinevere hates that jester. He is about as funny as standing in dog muck. The knob can’t even juggle... I mean, what kind of bloody Jester can’t